When she proposes and he accepts

By Kulwinder Sandhu

AS the countdown to the 21st century begins, college romances are still in, but with a difference. Now, it is the girls who are chasing the boys they want to be seen with.

And it is the phone that holds the key to most of these romances. Ashish, a student of S. D. College, for instance, was approached by his former girl friend’s friend on the phone. "It all started with crank calls from her. She used some fake name but I revealed her identity and now we talk quite frequently. I have a healthy relationship with her," says Ashish. He claims that he has been approached several times on the phone. However, he is not complaining.

In fact, like many other young Chandigarhians, he has no hang-ups about being approached by a girl. Jagdish Singh Chatha, a student of law in Panjab University, says. "Love is not the property of boys. So, there should be no gender bias when it comes to expressing love. Today, the girls are doing what the guys did yesterday. I feel the boys should just relax and wait for their ‘Miss Right’ to approach them."

Another student of final year, business management, says, "I was also interested in a girl during my school days. She did the running around. What I feel is that both the boy and the girl should be faithful to each other. Who takes the initiative does not matter at all. It is very normal if a girl makes the first move because she too is attracted to opposite sex."

Take Munish’s case. He got a call from out of the blue one day. "It all started one winter evening with an innocent phone call from Anju and since then we have come a long way. I know her better now. I find her voice more friendly, caring and loving. In the beginning, it was simple chit-chat for her, and for me it was a relief from loneliness. Both of us did not want to give up this new found pleasure, and luckily for us the magic worked. We spent two years talking on the phone trying to know more about each other. One day, she asked me out and I decided she was the girl I wanted to marry. She means a world to me. I really thank her for calling up as I was not the kind of persons who would have made the first move," says Munish.

With such success stories, it is little wonder that there are any number of men waiting for the right girl to make the first move. A student of architecture, Riyaz Ahmed, admires girls who believe in taking the initiative. He says, "I was approached by a girl and we are close to each other. So what’s wrong if she approached me first? She is an extrovert and I didn’t find anything wrong in her approaching me. Frankly speaking, it’s great fun if the girl also does a bit of running around."

The list of such men is endless. Sanjeev Khanna, a student of English literature, is another one who was approached by a girl but things didn’t work out the way he wanted them to because he "was infatuated with a girl. We had a very serious relationship. But in the meantime, I had to leave the city for two years as my father had been transferred. She left me and started going around with someone else."

What has caused this change? Basically, it has happened because girls have grown in confidence. Manisha, a student of a local college, feels, "It is not really important who makes the first move. The way I approach him should not hurt anybody’s feelings, that’s all."

Nandita,who got married recently, thinks along the same lines. "How can girls clamp up and dump their feelings just for the sake of society? Just like males, females also want to be with someone. Who are we to brand anyone fast or hip? These things should matter only to the two people concerned," she says.

Girls in the big cities are now exposed to a lot more and they feel that down the line they will get the man of their dreams. Girls now look for better options. They are more confident and choosy about their partners and they believe that there is nothing wrong with this attitude.

However, even though there are any number of cases where the girl’s initiative has ended in a happy marriage, there is also the flip side. Harjeet Kaur, a mother of a 19- year- old girl, says, "I also had a love marriage, but things were different then.May be girls today are more practical and more sure of themselves. But society is degenerating and so are moral values. Girls today feel they have nothing to lose and they set no limits for themselves. This is causing much concern to parents as even a small mistake can ruin a young life. We are never going to be so modern that we tolerate permissiveness. Mixing is alright if it is within the limits prescribed by our society. Too much of it should be discouraged with a heavy hand. Liberty should never be taken to mean licence."