Packaged blessings for newly weds
Anjum Sayed

IN Europe, newly-weds may still be blessed with milk and honey. In Cuba, men still pin money to the dress of the bride. The Chinese love to be gifted money in red envelopes during weddings. And in Italy, the tradition of a lovers’ pasta gift basket still endures.

The tradition of giving gifts varies from place to place

But in India, given the multiplicity of cultures, ethnic groups and traditions, gifting at weddings can assume varied forms. While some communities cherish currency notes, others expect gifts in kind and a few insist upon ‘blessings only’ for the newly-weds.

The custom however, draws its origin from the practice of giving dowry, which used to be as much a matter of pride as an obligation for the bride’s family. And as part of the extended family, friends and relations used to contribute in cash and kind while putting the bride price together.

"This is distinct from the western practice of putting a value to your blessings to the newly-weds," says Alok Tripathi, a sociologist. "Moreover, the gifts received are meant to help the married couple set up home for themselves."

To a certain extent, these sentiments are shared by the Parsis in India. "We prefer cash as wedding presents," reveals Farzana Rustomji, a mother of two teenaged daughters. "There is no point being taken by surprise with a wrapped dinner set, which you already have or can find no use for."

The custom of giving cash among Parsis is, however, with the intention of sharing wedding expenses. There was a time when guests at a wedding reception made discreet inquiries about the price per plate and pitched in their share.

"So if a family of four attends the reception, we multiply the cost per plate by four and hand over the money to the parents of the bride or the groom," explains Rustomji. "The idea is to simply be equal participants in the celebrations and not end up being a burden on anybody."

Gujaratis, who share a certain linguistic familiarity with Parsis, have imbibed some of these practices in their marriage ceremonies. It is, therefore, not uncommon these days for guests to set apart a gift for the parents of brides besides one exclusively for the married couple.

Explains Vibha Bhatt, a school teacher: "We give the chandlo or tikka money to the bride’s mother as a token of our intent to share the burden of wedding expenses. We do not hand it to the bride or groom as it would then become theirs. So a separate gift is kept aside for the couple."

At the other extreme are the Maharashtrians who do not want guests to spend on gifts and specifically mention on wedding invites that only blessings are welcome. "No gifts please" is a common legend appearing in bold type at the bottom of such cards.

"We really mean it," insists Kiran Morey, a soon-to-be-married young man. "A wedding is a happy occasion we want to share with our friends. Why should we burden them with buying gifts for us in return? Of course, family elders give us token gifts as blessings, but in private — not at the reception."

Elsewhere in India also, gifts are presented to the married couple with the blessings of well-wishers. Among South Indians, Sindhis and Bengalis, presentations could range from kitchen utensils, clothes and household effects (for setting up home) to jewellery and fixed deposit warrants (for future exigencies).

Gift vouchers from banks and departmental stores have become the latest fad at marriage receptions. Among Punjabis, such monetary gifts are announced over a public address system at the reception. Bohri Muslims continue the tradition of gifting envelopes containing three, five or seven rupees to the bride.

Then there are the superstitious few slipping in a ‘lucky stone’ or talisman in the giftwrap for newly-weds. Equally popular are the love baskets containing a copy of Kama Sutra, massage oils, perfumes and sundry ointments, besides a little feather toy.

Of late, the bridal registry system is gaining currency in urban areas. Like most other practices in modern India, this is a derivative of the American practice where to-be-married couples register a list of gifts they would like to receive with a neighbouring departmental store.

In time, guests are informed about the store and all they have to do is buy any of the items, leaving the store to strike it off the list. In effect, the couple does not end up with a dozen toasters and everything works out perfectly — even for the guests who get a good discount from the store on volume sales. MF