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Of telephonic nikaah
and deserted wives
In the first two years of this telemarriage, the two were in constant touch over the phone and through letters. Over the time, the number of phone calls decreased and the letters became irregular. Communication between the couple gradually tapered off completely. Today, Rehman doesn’t even know where her husband is. Her in-laws in Bangladesh are also not keen to help her. Rehman’s family and friends advise her to divorce her husband. But she has refused to part ways with the absentee husband and hopes he will get in touch with her soon. "He is my husband and I’ll wait for him," insists Rehman, now in her mid-20s. Telemarriages are increasing in Bangladesh. Thousands of young Bangladeshi men now go abroad — mostly to Malaysia, the US, Gulf countries and Japan — for work and education. Many travel without proper documents and cannot return home for a long time. But pressure from their families forces them to marry a girl in Bangladesh, via telephone. A telemarriage in Bangladesh is an experience by itself and organised much like a traditional wedding. Guests arrive at the bride’s place and gather around a telephone set and wait for the overseas call to materialise. The telephone set is usually connected to an amplifier so that the crowd can hear the couple’s conversation. The groom says, "Kabool (yes)" into the telephone and the bride replies in the affirmative. Prayers are offered seeking divine blessings for the newly-weds. A wedding feast follows this. At the end of the day, the bride goes to the in-laws’ house minus the groom. She stays there for years, waiting for the husband. For some Bangladeshi families, this kind of a marriage is just another way of binding two persons - who live apart - with a commitment. It is also a way for parents to keep their unmarried sons connected to their country and home. They expect that their son will be more responsible towards them once he is married. But there are huge risks involved in such marriages. There have been cases in which grooms have gone ‘missing,’ months after the wedding in Bangladesh. Ayesha Khanam, general secretary of the Bangladesh Mohila Parishad, observes: "It can be risky if the marriage takes places between two strangers." Some young women initially find the marriage very exciting. Nasima Hasan has just been married to a young man via telephone. She talks to her husband every night. "It’s real fun. I long for him and he, too, misses me. "There is romance between us," she says. She is very confident that her husband will come to fetch her one day. Rubayet Ferdous, a Dhaka University teacher, sees this growing phenomenon as just another way of using information technology for convenience. "However, there has to be a good understanding between the men and women agreeing to marry over the telephone." But for many young women,
the marriage causes a lot of heartburn. Consider the case of Sumona
Ferdoush, who has been married to a cousin working in Japan. Ferdoush
was opposed to this marriage from the very beginning but her family
pushed her into it. "I live with my in-laws and do everything a
bride is Telephone marriages are considered legal in Bangladesh. But, says Kazi Pirzada Kazi Syed Shariatullah, a marriage registrar: "A telephone marriage is legally correct, but morally wrong." (The names of the married
women have been changed to protect their identities) |
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BABLI
Rehman got married six years ago to a Bangladeshi man living in Canada.
It was a wedding conducted on the telephone, witnessed by friends and
relatives. But over the past six years, Rehman and her husband have not
met even once.