Saturday, December 27, 2003

NETPICK
UFO

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralysed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realise what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

"Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"

The blond attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means 'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola. Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs read from right to left..."

A newscaster interrupted scheduled programming. "More on candidates at 10 p.m.," he said.

The ten-year-old boy looked at his father in disbelief and said, "I didn't know they could call politicians 'morons' on national television!"

This feature was published on December 20, 2003