Webside humour
Lion in a mess

A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman. Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!

"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"

"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?"

Johnny: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

A distressed-looking man had drunk several drinks in rapid succession before the barman asked him, "Are you trying to drown your sorrows mate?"
"You could say that," the man replied.
"It usually doesn’t work, you know" said the barman.

"Yeah." agreed the man," I can’t even get her anywhere near the water..."

"Give me a sentence about one of the public servants we learned about today," said a teacher. One small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant".

The teacher took the boy aside to correct him. "Don’t you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," he said confidently. "It means carrying a child."

Two cockroaches decided to visit their favorite restaurant. While the larger of the two was enjoying his meal, the smaller one said, "You wouldn’t believe the house I just left. It was spotless...the lady had to be a cleanaholic! Everything was immaculate...the sink, the counter, the floors! You couldn’t find a crumb anywhere."

The other cockroach stopped his munching, looked with some annoyance at his companion, and said, "Do you have to talk like that and spoil my taste while I’m eating?"

When a guy’s printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Since the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it’s my boss’s idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "You know, I’ve lost my wife somewhere in this huge supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife suddenly appears out of nowhere and I’m tired of looking for her!"

Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake everyday. One day they caught 30 fish. One blonde said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?"

His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big ‘X’ on the bottom of the boat."

The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don’t get the same boat today?"

Compiled by Sunil Sharma