WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Bright girl

A woman goes to England to attend a two-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her a good trip. The wife answers: “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you”? The husband laughs and says: “An English girl.” The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?” “Very good, thank you,” replies the wife. “And, what happened to my present?” “Which present?” “I asked for an English girl?” “Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we’ll have to wait a few months to see if it’s a girl”!

Wrong bill

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. “I’m shocked,” she complained. “This is three times what you normally charge.” “Yes, I know,” said the dentist. “But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients.”

Get civilised

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father’s annoyance. “Teddy,” he called, “how many more times do I have to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilised human being.” There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. “That’s better, now in future will you always come downstairs like that?” said his father. “OK,” said Teddy. “I slid down the railing.”

Date with toast

A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The man raises his glass and says, “Here’s hoping you’re in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead!” “What does that mean?” asks the girl. “That is an authentic Irish toast,” answers her date. “Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.” “Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What’s that?” The girl says, “That’s French toast.”  

Humour intact

The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he’d heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike. When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, “What’s the matter, Mike? No sense of humour?” “My sense of humour is fine,” he said. “But I don’t have to laugh. I’m quitting tomorrow.”

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma