WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Cook by book

Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from sports to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, "Take a clean dish and.`85"

Clear signal

I inadvertently dialled a wrong number and got the following recording:

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough`A0to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave`A0a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you`A0are one of the changes."

Driven by logic

A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow`A0the family car.

Pushed to the limit, the father asked his`A0son why he thought the Almighty had given him two feet.`A0

Without hesitation, the son replied, "That’s easy, one for`A0the clutch and one for the accelerator."

Spy story

"I’m fed up with your jealousy," the furious wife told her husband.

"Do you think I don’t realise you’re having me followed by a detective who’s tall, blond, has green eyes and is very nice, although a little shy at first?"

Cheque mate

A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road.

The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher.

"But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here", he said, "is the check for $900. It is post-dated six years from now."

Good news

A woman phoned her husband at work. Her husband said, "I’m sorry dear, but I’m up to my neck in work today."

The wife responded, "But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you, dear."

The husband then replied, "Okay, darling, but as I’ve got very little time now, just give me the good news." "Well," said the wife, "the car airbag works."

Common sense

A motorist had a flat tire in front of an asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain.

A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station.

The motorist thanked his profusely and said, "I don’t know why you are in that place." The patient said, "I’m here for being crazy, not for being stupid."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma