WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Quoting trouble

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.

"Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.

The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested.

"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."

Preacher: "How come I never see you in church anymore, John?"

John: "There are too many hypocrites there, Reverend."

Preacher: "Don’t worry, John; there’s always room for one more."

Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris’ Last Will and Testament.

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and two million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar and $250,000. To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."

Couples who have lived together a long time have their own`A0way of communicating. A woman overheard her aunt and uncle one day, "What are you`A0looking for in that closet?" she asked.

"Nothing," he answered.

"Well, it’s not in there. Look under the bed."

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened.

"So, how did you do son?" he asked.

"You’ll never believe it!" Billy said.`A0"I was responsible for the winning run."

"Really? How’d you do that?"

"I dropped the ball."

A drunk and a preacher were driving up a mountainside in different vehicles. The drunk was swerving from side to side; the preacher was driving straight and true.

All of a sudden, the preacher lost control and drove off the edge of a cliff. The drunk noticed the preacher going off the edge, so he stopped his car and went to see if he was all right.

He noticed the preacher was climbing up the hillside. He yelled down at the preacher, "Are you alright?" And the preacher replied, "Have no fear my son, I had the Lord riding with me." The drunk then yelled back, "You had better let him ride with me next time because you nearly had him killed."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma