WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Striking difference

A surgeon was checking on a patient who had a hernia operation three days before. The doctor asked the man why he had not gotten out of bed. "I hurt. You don’t know how it feels," the man said.

"I know exactly how it feels," the doctor said. "I myself had the same procedure last month, and I was back at work two days later. There’s no difference in our operations."

"Oh yes, there is," said the patient. "You had a different surgeon."

The doorbell rang, and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door. "Lady, I’m the piano tuner," he announced. The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner." The man replied, "I know, but your neighbours did."

"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?"

"Well," she replied, "I just couldn’t win. If I was late to work, I was hostile. If I was early, I had an anxiety complex. If I was on time, I was compulsive."

A woman walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, slams a book down and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I’ve ever read. It has no plot and far too many characters." The librarian looks up and calmly remarks, "So, you’re the one who took our phone book."

When Mary was pregnant, her five-year-old Billy was utterly amazed that his sister was growing in his mom’s tummy. So one day when the baby was especially active, she asked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby kick. But when he did, the baby was suddenly still. "Oh, Billy, she must have decided to take a nap," shrugged Mary. "A nap?" Billy marvelled. "You mean there’s a bed in there too?"

Boss: You got your hair cut during office time.

Employee: It grew during office time.

Boss: Not all that hair.

Employee: I didn’t get it all cut.

Compiled by Sunil Sharma