WEBSIDE HUMOUR
No entry

A man was standing first in line for tickets from those who had cancelled their reservations to a sold-out play. The manager said he had two together, and pointed to the two women behind the man. "You wouldn’t want to come between mother and daughter, would you?"

The man turned around, and replied, "No. I did that once, and regretted it right up until the divorce."

Just a few weeks after taking a job as a security guard, the husband announced that he had been fired. He explained that he’d fallen asleep at this desk and someone broke into the building.

"But you’re such a light sleeper," the wife said. "I’m surprised the sound of the guy breaking in didn’t wake you up."

"I didn’t get fired for falling asleep," he confessed, "I was fired for wearing my earplugs."

A young boy and his doting grandmother were walking along the seashore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to the sea.

The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved grandson.

Lo, another wave reared up and deposited the stunned child on the sand before her. The grandmother looked the boy over carefully. He was fine.

But still she stared up angrily toward the heavens. "When we came," she snapped indignantly, "he had a hat!"

My husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating company. One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household. One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, "Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us."

There was a long silence, and then my husband heard the man on the other end say, "Honey, it’s for you. Someone wants to talk to you about your relatives."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma