WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Tippler’s tip

A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it with one swallow, put a five-dollar bill on the bar, and rushed out of the bar. The bartender picked up the five-dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket. Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him. Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, "Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five-dollar tip, and rushed out without paying."

Mr and Mrs Shaw were on a safari in Africa.

They were walking cautiously through the jungle when suddenly a huge lion sprang out in front of them, seized Mrs Shaw in its jaws and started to drag her off into the bush.

"Shoot!" she screamed to her husband. "Shoot!"

"I can’t," he yelled back. "I’ve run out of film."

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else’s pants."

Lottery gains

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery."

Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The man responds, "I don’t care. Just as long as you’re out of the house by noon."

The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee.

"I see you have put ‘ASAP’ down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you’ve put ‘AMAP’ down for the required salary. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen that before, what does it mean?" The applicant replied, "As Much as Possible."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma