WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Pig-headed

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

"Great idea," the chicken cried. "Let’s offer them ham and eggs?"

"Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that’s a contribution. For me, it’s a total commitment."

A street person approached a passerby and said, "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup of coffee?"

"That’s ridiculous. Do you really think anyone in their right mind would pay that much for a cup of coffee?"

"Just a yes or no, buddy," the beggar growled. "I don’t need a damn lecture about how to run my business."

A little girl had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it’s me?

A guy sits down at a restaurant, and when the waiter comes over to see if he has any questions, the guy puts down the menu and says, "How do you prepare your chickens?"

"Well, sir there’s not much to it. We just flat out tell them they’re going to die."

A customer called the airline’s reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card. The reservation specialist asked him, "Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?" The customer carefully replied, "V-I-S-A."

—Compiled by Sunil Sharma