Responding to a job searcher’s SOS
Lisa Bonos

It’s common to feel the pull of a help-wanted sign—not just one in a store window or on a company website, but also that plea for assistance on someone’s face who senses you might be of service in a job search.

Before you jump in to lend a hand, an ear and your own money, though, imagine the repercussions. So as not to let another’s job search feel like your own or risk steering someone astray, many advise that friends, family and mentors can be most helpful in the networking department.

You should try to help someone with a career change only when the job seeker is in control of the process and lets you know how to be useful, cautions Marilyn Goldman, the president and founder of a career-counseling firm Horizons Unlimited. Goldman also advises job-seekers who lack direction not to consult loved ones.

"What I say to a client who’s really lost is, ‘Don’t speak to family and friends ... until you’re able to get it together, because you’re only going to give them your anxiety and it’s going to be fed back to you.’"

But when job-seekers have a grasp of where they want to go, others can help them get there simply by looking in their address books.

"The best thing a friend or family member can do is help with networking, make referrals to other people in positions to hire," says Cheryl Palmer, a senior consultant in a career management company.

Palmer points out that it’s hard to give objective advice to someone with whom you are close, be it about career choice or comma placement. She says she often has clients come to her with resumes that friends or family members have "proofread," but that are still sprinkled with grammatical mistakes and typos.

Networking assistance can come not only from family and friends but also from mentors. Steven V. Roberts, a journalist and professor, has helped more than a hundred of his students with job searches. Roberts started his career in the mid-1960s as a research assistant to James Reston, who was then the New York Times’ Washington bureau chief and later became the newspaper’s executive editor. Roberts recalls that Reston was more than a boss; he made time for the younger man every day and eventually helped Roberts get a reporting job at the Times, where he stayed for 25 years.

Ever grateful for his relationship with Reston, Roberts says he realised that a big part of his job was to help his students "become grown-ups," something he accomplishes through career assistance.

Roberts says he started helping his students and realised he had developed a huge network of young people. He then started connecting job-seeking students with former students in their fields "more consciously and efficiently."

Roberts tells his students on the first day of his media and politics classes that he will help them find a job by putting them in touch with former students. The only thing Roberts asks in return is that those who are helped go on to assist future students.

Roberts said his former students’ willingness to help other students is "striking."

"As soon as they get into jobs, the first thing they say to me is, ‘How can I help?’"

However, sometimes when the help is unsolicited, "looking out" for someone isn’t received as such. Emily Walker, a writer at a health-care consultancy, has learned that. While in college she referred a boyfriend to a contact who helped jump-start his career. Overall he was happy, she says, but she admits that her help could have been perceived as overbearing.

"I felt I was being controlling. I thought I knew what has best for him," she says. "Getting a job was best for him."

However, as long as you’re not making a decision for anyone or pushing him in one direction, sometimes a little consultation between loved ones can be healthy and productive. In addition to coaching students, Roberts is well acquainted with discussing career paths with his wife.

For example, the professor recalled advising his wife when she decided to leave ABC News. He asked her which of her accomplishments had given her the most satisfaction, and he suggested she emphasise that and organise life around it.

"We’ve come back to that conversation more than once," he says. "And it continues to guide a lot of decisions we make both separately and together."