WEBSIDE HUMOUR
First choice

After divorce, a couple was pursuing their seven-year-old child’s custody case in a court. The judge asks the kid: "Do you want to live with your mother?"

Kid: "No, she beats me."

Judge: "Well then, I guess you want to live with your father?"

Kid: "No, he beats me too."

Judge: "Well then, who do you want to live with?"

Kid: "I want to live with the Indian cricket team, they never beat anybody!"

An Indian batsman was out with the first ball. On the long walk back to the pavilion he had to pass the incoming batsman, a supercilious rival. "Hard luck, old man,’’ smirked the newcomer. "Yes. It’s a shame I had to be right in the middle of a hat-trick.’’

Q. What is the height of optimism?

Ans: Indian cricket players coming out to bat applying sunscreen on their face.

"I want to divorce my husband because he has a lousy memory." "Why would you want to divorce him for that?" "Every time he gets around a young woman, he keeps forgetting that he’s married!"

A man takes his seat in the theatre, but he is too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch it close up. Get me a better seat, and I’ll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him into the second row, and the man rewards him with a quarter.

The usher looks at his tip for a second and then leans over to whisper to the man, "The wife did it."

A cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist.

Cricketer: "It’s terrible. I can’t score runs, I’m a terrible bowler, and I can’t hold a catch. What can I do?’’

Doctor: "Get another job.’’

Cricketer: "I can’t. I’m playing for India tomorrow!’’

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma