WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Pack a punch

A couple was driving to the airport when they passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can`A0of beer.`A0The wife glanced up at it and announced, "I suppose`A0if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I’d look like her." "No," the husband corrected, "If I drank a six-pack, you’d look like`A0her."

Normal cure

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient is cured. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand, a normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup," said the visitor. "No." said the Director, "a normal person would pull the drain plug. Do you want a bed near the window or close to the door?"

Fair warning

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well you can’t say you weren’t warned, Ms Smith."

Noisy flight

"Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for
noise abatement." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but we’re at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir," the radar operator replied, "have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?"

Play your age

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck!" A man next to her, calmly suggests, "I don’t know... Why don’t you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, he hears a commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! Rushing back to the table, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don’t know, buddy.... She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!"

Compiled by Sunil Sharma