WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Go by looks

Doctor: Mrs Smith, I have to tell you, I don’t like the look of your husband.

Patient’s wife: Neither do I, but he’s good to the children.

Make peace

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal," the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t talking to me for a month." Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet." "Yeah. But today is the last day."

Two factory workers are talking. The man says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The woman replies, "And how would you do that?"

The man says, "Just wait and see." He then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The man replies, "I’m a light bulb." The boss then says, "You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The woman starts to follow him and the boss says, "Where are you going?"

The woman says, "I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark."

A four-year-old was showing a little friend the family photos that covered one wall in their basement. Out of sight but not out of earshot, her mother overheard her say, "Here’s a picture of my mommy when she was a little girl. I wasn’t there, but`A0people say she used to be nice.

It was graduation day and the mom was trying to take a picture of her son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let’s try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"

Mr Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired. Mr Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma