WEBSIDE HUMOUR
Word power

An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”

High in spirits

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”

Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are you absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.” Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple.”

Tough talk

A man was applying for a job as a prison guard. The warden said, “Now these are real tough guys in here. Can you handle it?” “No problem,” the applicant replied, “If they don’t behave, out they go!”

Flattened out

Four high schoolboys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tyre. Much to their relief, she smiled and said: “Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper.” Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: “First question: Which tyre was flat?”

Gender slam

Friendship between women: A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend’s house.

The husband calls his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

Friendship between men: A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband’s 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.

Compiled by Sunil Sharma