WEBSIDE HUMOUR
New will

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids that promise to allow him to hear 100 per cent. A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased. The man says, "Oh, I haven’t told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I’ve changed my will three times."

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment," replied the witness.

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do."

The mother exclaimed, "But that’s terrible. I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this... by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."

A young woman came home from a date, rather sad.`A0 She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he is an atheist.`A0 Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a Hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway.`A0Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is."

One guy to another, "Last week, I took the first step towards getting divorced."

"Did you see a lawyer?"

"No, I got married."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma