Oh deer, nothing seems to be right here!

Amarjot Kaur

The New Year came in a little too late for our bee here, who, quite contrary to its nature, has been hibernating to keep the winter blues at bay. It finally opened its doors for Funky Monkey, who came in to show a string of videos from the men in uniform, “I thought, since your date with Bumble Bee didn’t go quite well, you might consider these men in uniform! They’re quite a catch, you know,” said the monkey knocking at bee’s door. Not that the bee’s looking for someone after its date with Bumble Bee ended in a fiasco, but this draconian sympathy offered by Funky Monkey was rather appealing to this one. As the two celebrated the New Year watching videos of BSF jawan Tej Bahadur complaining of bad food and the CRPF jawan Jeet Singh’s rant over no pension or quota, well, two did seem to find comfort in misery of others. “Besides, Salman Khan, who was charged with illegal possession and use of a gun, which was allegedly used to kill a blackbuck, has been acquitted of the case now. The prosecution failed to provide enough evidence and thus, the superstar walked out of the court free today,” says the bee sharing a series of memes that went viral on the internet. 

Face the book

Dangal actor Zaira Wasim, who plays the feisty young Geeta Phogat, has come in the eye of the storm after she met with Jammu & Kashmir chief minister Mehbooba Mufti and was slammed for meeting the politician. She posted a Facebook apology, which she was quick to take down, and now, Shah Faesal, a Kashmiri IAS officer’s Facebook post on the issue, is going viral.

It reads: “In older days in Kashmir, if your hen laid an egg, we would say, ‘wuna kansi wanakh’ -don’t tell anyone. Our ancestors were wise. And time has come to go back to those quiet times when no one knew about his neighbour even. So if your child is doing well, keep it to yourselves. My advice is that don’t tell anyone at all. She might have to be apologetic for her achievement.”

Monkey remembers a ghazal sung by Jagjit Singh, “Baat niklegi toh phir....” 

Here, “12-year-old Katelyn Nicole Davis of Cedartown of Georgia put up Facebook livestream video while she killed herself and told viewers she’d been sexually abused before hanging herself in her yard,” says the bee looking at the video proliferating online and reportedly, local cops say they can’t stop it. “In India, a tailor Sunil Rastogi was recently arrested for sexually assaulting children. I feel, such people suffer some serious mental sickness like your Bumble Bee!” comments Funky Monkey. Not that the bee was in the mood to say anything that would trigger a “I told you so” from Funky Monkey, so it kept quiet about its date where Bumble Bee tried to joke about bee’s yellow stripes. “That’s like body shamming and racism all at that the same time, but you know what’s worse? Bumble is a US citizen and it voted for Trump! That was the last straw...” says the bee angrily and shuts its doors. 

The Funky Monkey beguiled itself with a viral YouTube video of a child playing with a monkey. “It’s true! We are their forefathers, they say!” he smiles hopping from one tree to the other.

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