Raise your glass, not your class!

Amarjot Kaur 

Here’s a “long time, no bee!” from our bee who absented itself for a while and offered random excuses for pulling a Houdini on all. Although it was more likely a case of ‘social detox’, this one has been telling stories at the Bee-Err Bar... “Had a terrible bout of American foulbrood, after Trump got elected,” it told the bartender. “Honeysickness... it’s like homesickness, but in my case they asked me to bee-aware of all things sweet!” it told Funky Monkey, who sipped on a pint of Heineken in dis-bee-leaf. “So, your ‘red’ has been tainted by consumerism, ey!” it said to Funky Monkey, nudging its political sensibilities.

“Well, raise a glass to the beer company for coming up with a politically controversial ad... It mentions climate change, feminism, and transgender rights with its viral #OpenYourWorld campaign,” replies Funky Monkey. “Wow! Is there a one plus one offer and a pinch of salt to go with that?” the bee shoots, ordering home-brewed honeysuckle nectar.

Technical interruption 

Finally, their conversation sails to Internet war in Kashmir, where reportedly, New Delhi dispatched a special technological expert team to ascertain locations from where militants allegedly upload their videos on social media. “I would quote Noam Chomsky... but then, have you seen the viral video in which suspected Hizbul Mujahideen militants are seen torturing two youth, accusing them of being informers of the security forces?” asks the bee, in response to which Funky Monkey quotes Jim Morrison: “The videos were posted despite the Internet ban. Guess it’s true—whoever controls the media, controls the mind.” Now a little-too tipsy to discuss politics, while being politically correct, this duo jumps from one viral topic to another.

Face the book

Well, Trump takes the cake when it comes to negative publicity while the French steal the thunder for their collective intellect employed to vote for centrist Macron Emmanuel as their president. With a Weld County High School teacher placed on leave after photos of a controversial Cinco de Mayo event went viral on social media, Lesley Hollywood posted, on Facebook, on Friday: The Spanish teacher allowed students to destroy a pinata that had Trump’s face on it...I didn’t vote for Trump, and I’m certainly not his biggest fan...” 

“However, a photo of a baby holding his mother’s failed IUD wins the viral trophy,” says the bee. Reportedly, Lucy Heillein said that someone put the IUD in her baby’s hand after he was born to take the picture, as a sort of tongue-in-cheek joke. “I like the boy’s fashionable entry into the world... against all odds, quite literally,” it laughs.

Considering that Bee’s allergic to racism, it was pleasantly surprised when a Facebook page called The Uncanny Truth Teller 2 posted a photo titled “The Faces of India they won’t show you” and shows three beautiful women in saris, wearing traditional Indian jewellery.

Shaken, but not stirred

Reportedly, IPS officer Charu Nigam, who broke down on camera after BJP MLA Radha Mohan Das Aggarwal got into a heated argument with her in Chief Minister Yogi Adityanath’s parliamentary constituency Gorakhpur, posted a courageous note on Facebook. She wrote: “Meri aansuon ko meri kamzori na samajhna. Kathorta se nahi, komalta se ashk jhalak gaye. Mahila adhikari hoon, tumhara ghurur na dekh payega. Sachchai mein hai zor itna apna rang dikhlayega.

“She fired her words like a buzz—oookas there. You go, girl!,” roots the bee.

Insta hit

Bee has often been a little too pompous about its taste in music, and how it wished for ‘Sting’ and ‘Bee’thoven to perform in India. However, Bollywood actor Shraddha Kapoor is thrilled about Justin Bieber’s upcoming music concert on 10th May. If you want to win free passes for the concert, follow her on Instagram. Shraddha asked the fans to prove that they are a true ‘Belieber’and post the entries on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram with #JioBeliebers. “All set for Baby... Baby... Baby.. Ooooo... Is it too late now to say sorry!” sings the bee. 

Tube tales

Uploaded by CoolBluez photography, a video of a bride getting ready while dancing to the tunes of Cheap Thrills has gone viral, reaching number 2 in YouTube India’s trending list. So, do you love cheap thrills? Come, shake a leg with the ‘buzzing’ bee!

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