A date gone sour

Nonika Singh

He took you enroute the grimy lives of Page Three people, then allowed you a peep into the flip side of the world of Fashion. More of the same followed in Heroine. Yes, by now we know for sure behind the glamour and glitz of celebrities lurk many unsavoury secrets. So what is it that Madhur Bhandarkar can bring on the table this time when he raises the number of his protagonists caught in the highflying world of glamour to five. Nothing new, to be honest.

Sassy girl from Goa, Bengali bombshell from Kolkata and spunky tech-savvy one from Rohtak and yet another one from across the border Pakistan…. on the surface the combo seems interesting. Here are girls from different backgrounds one even from a family of super achievers who all decide to fuel their ambitions via the famous calendar route. Now, which calendar has the power to push them up above in the sky… we know which one and here we have the garrulous Suhel Seth doubling up as Vijay Mallaya.

And frankly he has more presence on the jarring TV shows then here. But the real problem of the film is not Seth but the fact that the sum total of Bhandarkar’s tales remains so much at the superficial surface level. The five calendar girls sing, “we are on a roll” but nothing gets rolling.

Long legs, ample cleavage and more on display but none of it sizzles any which way. If the story line that bites into everything from IPL scam to escort girls to rich philandering business tycoon fails to engage, the glam quotient too falls flat. And the performances…the less said the better. Among the bevy of calendar girls the only one actor who marks her presence with fair degree of visibility is Ruhi Singh, who plays the gal from Haryana, Rohak to be precise.

Forever tweeting and posting selfies, even posing at mourning ceremonies, she does provide that rare smile and bite. Otherwise the film is almost fangless with no power or sting. As if the space with five heroines and a host of male characters, sorry cutouts, was not crowded enough Bhandarkar too appears in the film as himself of course. On a self-congratulatory note (with one of the heroines gushing over the high calibre of his films), he adds nothing to the narrative that is anyway singularly unimpressive. Girls move from one situation to another, one is used by a boyfriend another falls victim to Indian right winger’s belligerent No Pakistani actors stand. But the plight of neither  of these pretty young things who are often enough introduced as some great achievers, evokes sympathy or concern. Sure things do work out for a few.

Life, the film, tells you is all about individual choices. Well, you can safely choose to ignore this one. Unless you want to know why Pakistan’s Censor board did not clear the film? Frankly, it’s not just Pakistan, even we take offence at this unwarranted skin show. Besides as far as rehashes go this one takes the cake and the entire bakery for serving a concoction that is as unmoving as it gets.  

Don’t pin any hopes on these pinup girls.