A degree for matrimony

Poonamjot Sidhu

LIKE most people, I still remember and cherish my graduation days. Every day that you spend on your university campus, away from home and family, teaches you something. One incident that I particularly remember is from my third professional, where I was luckily able to impress a senior resident prosthodontist with my clinical skills. So impressed was he that he took my articulation to the Head of the department. 

Standing next to my patient, I waited for some words of appreciation but was rather taken aback by what he said. He very brusquely remarked, 'It will only be useful if she uses her skill on patients and not to get married.’ He added, ‘Most girls pursue professional degrees so that they get a good matrimonial match.’ 

Listening to his worldly wisdom, I made a concrete mental statement: 'I will do something with my life'. The incident by no means made me angry, it just made me determined. It is one of the factors that have pushed me through various impediments during my professional journey. 

Education over, I was back at a university campus, this time to teach. There are a lot of perks when you are working in academics: intellectual satisfaction, research opportunities etc. You always stay close to the young generation. You are in close proximity to the evolving perceptions of young fellows. 

The other day I was taking a substitute class for a faculty member on medical leave. To keep the class engaged, I started a discussion on 'Me after five years'. I had some very ambitious and interesting answers from students, but one response that startled me was, 'I will be married with one child, enjoying matrimonial bliss'. 

I countered, ‘What about a job or a business?’ The reply came, ‘I do not want to work.’ 

To this I asked, ‘Why do you pursue this degree then?’ Then came the response I feared, Rishta achha mil jayega mam. Somehow it felt like college again but with a difference. It has been ten years since I first heard these words; it was not a faculty member but a student saying them and IT WAS A BOY who made the remark. 

I was speechless, when it had been said to me, it was a gender issue. It was different now. 

Mercifully, the lecture ended, and so did the discussion. Back in the faculty room, I was amused; life has come a full circle. A male had once termed my educational pursuit as my matrimonial ambition and here is a male saying the same words himself, terming his education only a ladder to get married. I think a degree for matrimony does exist; it has just become a little more gender neutral.