Spoken this way & that

Desh Bir Sharma

ALL will agree that English is considered a passport to elitism. After all, it is the language of the white man who ruled us for so long. And then, it is the language that links us with the world outside. That explains the oft-resented exodus of young learners from desi or government schools to so-called English schools.

In spite of this fad, the correct usage of the language has not improved. The excuse given is that it is not mathematical correctness but the ability to convey one’s meaning that matters. Therefore, here and there you find schools in streets that label the lowest class as ‘nursary’. 

You can easily spot small billboards outside houses, offering ‘tutions’  in all subjects. A parent once complained to the principal that her child had not received a school ‘batch’. An astoundingly simplistic phonetic analogy sent me reeling when I heard of a school named as St Consent Public School. We know about convent schools, but what kind of consent, and whose consent to what is left to the imagination of people like me, who try to find fault with the use of English by plebeians, so to say.

The other day, during a journey, I found my car following a florally adorned  SUV carrying the groom and his bride. The hind screen had a sticker that read ‘Kuldip weeds Kavita’. In the process of announcing the solemn event, the word ‘weds’ had been callously mutilated by handlers of the language who think sab chalta hai. 

Most teachers in English schools still sincerely believe that they must bid ‘happy vacations’ to students before the summer break. After all, it is a long break, so where is the need to call it vacation?

A memento often gets called ‘momento’ because they innocently believe that it reminds the recipient of the moment of its bestowal. It is as innocently accepted by people because they too feel chalta hai.  Instead of requesting a chief guest to address, he is sometimes just called upon to address the audience. The speaker has simply to oblige and obey  because he is surrounded by those who believe ye chalta hai.

Once a principal told me that on a special occasion in the college when a chief guest was to preside over an important session, he called a staff member to find out the state of readiness and got the reply: “I have received the ‘bouqa’ for the chief guest and everything is ready.” The principal tried to explain to her that it is ‘bouquet’, not ‘bouqa’. She innocently replied: “But, Sir, I ordered only one ‘bouqa’ and not many. That is why I am calling it ‘bouqa’.”

I only thank God that she was not from the department of English.