Treat a girl as blessing too

Jasleen Kaur

THOUGH we think of ourselves as modern, many of us are still confined to patriarchal notions. We need to understand that the gender of a child is not something to be celebrated or cursed. The obsession with a male child, endless prayers, the constant pressure on the would-be-mother and the done-to-death philosophy, ladka vansh badhayega, are an integral part of our social consciousness. 

Being a girl, I have faced criticism regarding my gender on multiple occasions since my childhood. My mother says that she never wished for a boy. But my grandmother always wished that one of us (three sisters) was a boy. Upon my birth (the second child in my family), my aunt addressed me, ‘You should have been a boy.’ My mother, habitual of her taunts, said nothing, but the nurse remarked, ‘You should be happy she is a girl. When she and her elder sister will be old, they will have each other. The bond between sisters is incomparable.’

Six years later, I was regularly going to the puja room in our house to ask for a brother. My grandmother told me that I should pray every day as God listens to children. I was more than happy at the thought of getting a new member in our house. Soon after, my mother gave birth to another girl. I was ecstatic when I held her my younger sister in my arms. I never had hard feelings for her. But I did lose faith in God. This single incident changed my outlook. 

Slowly and slowly, my mother restored my faith and helped me understand that we should not even be praying for such things like the gender of a baby. We will be blessed with whatever is written in our destiny, she would say. 

As I grew up, I never heard my grandmother say anything against the girls, or her wish for a grandson. I also learned not to get upset over those things. The older generation belonged to another time, where men were wage-earners — though my grandmother was a teacher!

When I finally began to believe everyone nowadays was fine with daughters and granddaughters, I got another blow. I was visiting a friend and waited for her to return from work, when her granny asked me how many siblings I had. ‘No brother? A family must have a son, beta. Don’t you miss having a brother?’ she enquired, and went on, ‘There should be a son in the family. With only daughters, the house feels empty. A son brings pride.’ I was taken aback and fought the urge to retort that her granddaughter was the one who was intelligent, helped in household chores and took all responsibilities while her grandson roamed around aimlessly the whole day long. I maintained my cool and said my sisters and I were equally capable of doing everything that a son could do, and I never wished for a brother.

She looked at me unbelievingly. ‘My daughter has two girls and I ask her to try for a boy, but she brushes it off.’ Looking at me with pity, she said, ‘You can come to our house and play with my grandson, he is like your brother too.’ This sentence threw me off my feet and I finally replied, ‘Thank you, aunty, I know he is like my brother but I have my sisters.’ My words had no impact on her. Thankfully, at that moment my friend arrived and we went out.

It is for our generation to not let these ideas cloud our minds. A child, no matter what the gender, can do wonders; only if given a chance to live. A daughter is not a burden; no child can ever be a burden on his/her parents.