Vanity, thy name is human

Ritu Kumar 

EVERY year in November, a ‘Ram katha’ is organised in our neighbourhood, in the open space in front of our house. It is a pleasure to be part of pious renderings, as I can listen to the chantings sitting at home only. At the end of every session, a feast is served to all. As people partake of it, the mike constantly blurts out “we are grateful to so and so family who has graciously paid for the feast”. I marvel at the charity and vanity of the rich who take pride in getting their names announced umpteen times in such a manner. 

Family pride, caste pride, national pride are words we listen to quite frequently. We often come across people asserting their superiority by fixing plaques, proclaiming their generosity, inside temples, outside halls, charitable institutions, etc. There are, no doubt, a handful of people who make substantial donations for charity anonymously. This is true service,  where the self is negated. 

All religions and myths warn against vanity. From Greece comes the story of Narcissus who admired himself so deeply that he couldn’t look away from his own reflection in the water. Since he couldn’t bring himself to look up to see or appreciate who loved him, he couldn’t return love. Nothing could deviate him from self-love. What a tragedy to die unable to relate to anything but an image of oneself. This tendency of self-praise is propounded by glossy advertisements and celebrity-ridden culture which makes one believe that self-obsession is in vogue and we fall in this honey-dipped vanity trap. We all have a deep, innate need to belong to someone or something. We need to matter. Human need is to accomplish the basic physiological, social and self-esteem needs. Nobody dreams of being one among millions, but desires to be noticed for self-proclaimed abilities. When we move with friends, colleagues and relatives, we deal with people bristling with pride and prejudice and snobbery. Why do we wish to revel in our own praise? To talk about one’s success or philanthropy is not wrong, but where does pride end and vanity begin? Some people feel happy to be admired, some feel good by criticising others and still some by expressing a grandiose opinion of themselves. 

A man who thinks his stature is larger than life constantly preaches about his ‘moral worth’ and rags-to-riches success story. He talks and writes about ‘care’ and ‘compassion’ but himself lacks these virtues. All conversation is about ‘I, me, myself’. Blaise Pascal said: ‘Do you wish people to think well of you? Don’t speak well of yourself.’ What a pity this brilliant personality fails to see goodness in others.

‘Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us,’ said Jane Austen. The joy of being an anonymous benefactor can make one take pride in oneself and make life worth-while. To be an ‘unknown’, ‘unseen’ empathiser is the best realisation of one’s essence.