Balle-balle! Aiyo ain’t just Indian anymore!

Harvinder Khetal

“Aiyo! 'Aiyo' has found its way into the Oxford English Dictionary,” I announced as I read about the entry of the colloquial South Indian phrase into the Bible of the English language. My aiyo here stood for surprise as in 'OMG! (Oh my god)'.

“Aiyo! So it's no more just an identity of the South Indians (Tamilians)?” smiled my sister. Her aiyo here had the 'ah!' feeling.

“Aiyo! They should have also included our 'balle-balle' in their lexicon,” blasted my brother. His aiyo, expressing distress, bore the mark of the traditional Indian North-South banter.

“Aiyo! Stop it!” I interjected, using the versatile aiyo this time in place of 'Oh dear!'

Yes, 'aiyo' fits in fine for a free-wheeling range of emotions connoting distress, regret, pain, surprise, grief, disappointment, irritation, disgust.

“Aiyooo! Wait! Besides the Tamil and Sinhala (Sri Lankan) roots, the OED has also traced 'aiyoh' to the Chinese-Mandarin origin,” I added, my eyes becoming huge big orbs of astonishment mingled with amusement.

The amusement was partly because I could imagine my prim and proper English language teacher of yore who swore by everything British exclaim at this development with disgust-laced horror: “Aiyo! What's the world coming to! How downmarket!”

Well, there's another shocker in store for that Mam who took great pains to teach us rustic kindergarten kids the correct Victorian way of pronouncing words such as 'Thank you' and 'this' or articulating the subtle difference between the phonetics of 'v' and 'w' and moulded us into well-groomed people. 

Right, you could say “aiyo” to it, too: A study has shown that the Queen's English is in for a drastic evolution in about five decades. In fact, we will have to unlearn the sounds of 'th', 'v' etc. As a result of immigration and amalgamation of cultures as also the rise of robots and speaking machines (artificial intelligence), the makeover will see the interdental consonant (sound created by pushing the tongue against the upper teeth) 'th' to be replaced by 'f', 'd', or 'v'. This means 'mother' will be pronounced 'muvver' and 'thick' as 'fick'. 

The report, 'The Sounds of 2066', by the University of York also foresees the widespread prevalence of 'yod dropping'. In this, the 'u' sound is voiced as 'oo'. So in the new style, 'news' nears to the sound of 'nooze' and 'beauty' becomes 'booty'. And, aiyo, there are more droppings: 'l' and 't' at the end of words will be silent, propelling 'Paul' and 'paw' to seem the same or altering 'text' to 'tex'. 

In future, we will comfortably converse with our cars, washing machines, fridges, taxi apps and banking services, rendering keyboards obsolete, says Dominic Watt, author of the report. The next generation will perhaps live to see that evolution of English.

Interestingly, in keeping with the character, Deepika Padukone, who plays an Indian girl in her Hollywood debut with Vin Diesel, “xXx: The Return of Xander Cage”, proudly flaunts her ethnic Indian accent in the movie. This is a pleasant contrast to Priyanka Chopra's 'fake' western accent in her American TV series 'Quantico'. 

And, aiyo, it seems that in that mechanised uni-world, there will be few who would appreciate north-south jokes involving real people, their accents or dialects, the 'balle-balle-aiyo' wisecracks. Let's enjoy them till we can:

Bill Gates has resigned as the 'Chairman of Microsoft' after receiving this letter from Rajnikanth:

Saar,

I have some questions for you…. Please yanswer them:

Namba wan: The keyboard alphabets are not in order, when will you launch the correct version?

Namba too: There is yeh 'Start' button… but no 'Stop' button… Rascalaa, where it is?

Namba tree: I have already learned Microsoft Word, when are you “laanching” Microsoft Sentence?

Namba for: There is yeh Recycle bin… but…there is nobody coming to collect that bin. Why???

Your name is Bill… But in India they orr selling computers without bill… Why???

Yand finally yeh personal question:

Your surname is Gates… But you are selling Windows… Why??

It reminds me of my cruise to Alaska. One night, over dinner in the ship's huge dining area, the passengers were being entertained by stand-up comedians. The American fellow in my neighbouring table guffawed over a joke and then exchanged a smile and an introduction with me. “So, do you Indians also poke fun at the different accents of the northerners and southerners?” He was surprised to know that not only do we have varying accents but also different languages in the various corners of our vast country. 

By the way, have you heard of this British guy in India during the colonial rule? He would tell his Indian servant to open the door thus: “There was a cold day” (darwaza khol de). Aiyo!

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