For the love of their time… : The Tribune India

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For the love of their time…

American humorist Groucho Marx asked: “Marriage is a beautiful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” He hadn’t been to India, where marriage isn’t about give-and-take alone. It’s true when children are away, a sudden feeling of loneliness grips ageing couples: The empty nest syndrome takes over. Yet many couples realize it’s that part of time when they get to know each other better, and see life from a different perspective.

For the love of their time…

The Nanuans have found a love that they never felt before.



A lingering feeling of togetherness

Deepti Verma in Chandigarh

Mister Jasbir Singh Nanuan, can I talk to you for a few minutes,” I asked him on the phone. “It’s about you and your wife, how you have been able to live together happily after your children left for better job prospects or other reasons,” I tell him the purpose. “Well, I will ask Jagjeet if we could sit together,” he replies. A few minutes later, an excited female voice greets me: “Beta, zrur milo…would you take our pictures, too?” I am simply floored by the kindness in her voice: “Ya, we can, sure.” 

Not long ago, arthritis forced Missus Nanuan to severely restrict her movements in their Sector 15 house. “Those three years were terrible. He, somehow, took it as a challenge. He’d carry me outside on his back and force me to smile for a good reason that he was around for me,” she says, her eyes moist in gratitude. 

Their daughter is happily married in the UK. They lost their son to malaria when he was barely 19 years old. Life has been, as usual, a see-saw… the sense of loss settling down in the unbundling of growing up, in letting things go, in the spontaneous bonding, in the spirit of togetherness. “After our daughter’s marriage, we suddenly felt empty,” recalls the husband. “That was for the first time since our marriage…,” he is interjected by his wife, “we got married on June 12, 1971.” He smiles with all the meaning and weight of it in his nod. “But we saw more of each other, something we had missed all these years,” says Nanuan as he gestures his wife to get some water. “I sent her out intentionally as I couldn’t have brought myself to say I am indebted to her, for everything after she left her home for me. She never talked about her homesickness. So, I am here for her.”

For the Manns, married for 61 years, living in the same Sector 15, life has been a sum-total of two plus two equalling one. Their two sons are away. Mr Shamsher Singh Mann, 85, and Mrs Harinder Mann, 78, love them and wish for their best. “My children and grandchildren keep visiting us… life is beautiful,” says Mrs Mann. “We have travelled a lot together. We talk about our trips and the work that we have created for ourselves ever since he retired in 1989 and we chose to settle down in Chandigarh.” 

“My journey would not have been as beautiful had she not joined me as a companion,” says the husband.


Learning the fine art of making space

Shiv Kumar Sharma in Yamunanagar

Before retirement both Dr Ramesh Kumar and his wife Sucheta were teachers and retired in about eight years back. Dr Kumar was a principal of MLN College, and his wife a lecturer in a senior secondary school. 

“Retired life is a new innings in itself. Our focus shifted from careers and children to our own interests, hobbies, health and how best we can contribute to the society,” says Dr Kumar. 

“Since 2008, we have visited Mumbai, Goa, Bangalore, Hyderbad, Chennai and a longer trip to Canada. We intend to continue exploring further,” says Dr Kumar. 

“The added advantage at this age is that whereas our friends over the years remain our friends, our children and grandchildren have become our new friends, companions and guides too. Visiting them and waiting for them is very rewarding,” says Mrs Kumar. She being a painter has finished about 100 paintings and is planning an exhibition. She also has a hobby of reading books and has a very good collection. Dr Kumar says he has three areas of interest: creative writing, social service and academic administration. 

“Together, we have a rich experience of life, literature and human relations and we look forward to keeping ourselves engaged in the process of society building in our own humble way,” says Dr Kumar. 


Welcome kids, the nests are never empty

Gagan K. Teja in Patiala, June 23 

Mr Harjit Singh Thapar (64), who retired as a manager from Punjab and Sind Bank, and his wife Mrs Mohinder Kaur (62) have their two daughters married outside the city while their son is settled abroad. “When I was in active service, I never realized the kind of hardships Mohinder has faced in bringing up the kids and keeping the family together. For me, it was like a routine. Now, since I am home, I have started appreciating her role as a homemaker, says Mr Singh. “We cannot ignore the fact that our children have lives of their own. “Though we are always available for them whenever they need us and often visit them, we find comfort in our homes only,” says Mrs Kaur.

For the Dewans, it took an ailment to know who stood where. After Pradeep Dewan (60) retired as Patiala district manager of Khadi Village and Industrial Board, his wife Komal fell ill. “She was bedridden. I realized what all she had been doing all this while for me. She could have had a career for herself, but she chose us and I cannot thank her enough for it,” says Pradeep. They are happy the nest they built is here to stay. 


Sharing & caring: A love story begins

Sushil Manav in Fatehabad

Mr Lajpat Rai Bhayana (69), a retired college professor of Political Science, looks much younger. He and his wife Veena (66), a retired school lecturer, make you wonder about the beginnings of their life. The couple has travelled to the US, Hong Kong, Macau, Bangkok and several locations within the country since 2007, after third of their daughter got married.

Married for 40 years, the Bhayanas’ love for life is as good as the bonding they share. “We never feel our nest is empty,” says Veena, who is involved with several social organizations.  Lajpat Bhayana, too, has been active in social circles.

Life for the Bhayanas was moving on very smoothly when suddenly, Lajpat Bhayana fell ill and discovered that his both kidneys had stopped functioning. “It was a dreadful experience. Veena provided me the strength and donated her kidney. We both went under the knife in September 2013, and continue to live healthy again,” says the husband.


When you don’t move, but time travels in reverse 
Vibha Sharma in New Delhi

Our elder one, Dhruv, had left home seven years back. So, this is not the first time I experienced that overwhelming sadness so difficult to explain. Janu, the younger one, was around. Due to his job constraints, my husband remains out for long periods. So all this while our “little baby” (her name is Jahanavi) was there, keeping me company. About a month back, she too left for further studies. The other day, when I unlocked that door to step inside an empty house, I felt terribly lonely. Is it “empty nest?”

The answers came; one from my husband, another from a colleague and a few from within. My husband argued whether I wanted the situation to be any other way: if I would have liked to keep the children with me at the cost of their future prospects. Certainly, I want the best for them. And if some sacrifices had to be made, so be it. The senior colleague’s personal experience gave an entirely new perspective. He told me how years ahead could be the best phase of our lives. I and my husband could use them to revive our relationship, and rebuild the friendship. Hours of introspection later, I realised my profession could become my biggest strength. Besides, an empty nest can also have a purpose. My young ones may have flown out, but my nest would make them slide back to the sweet memories, the warmth we cherish and the respect we’d cultivate for each other’s decision. So, best of luck Dhruv and Jahanavi.

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