Give them new hope

The Tribune Team

Your age is just a number etched out by the dance of breath choreographed by sands of time in the hourglass. The experience is like an orchestra, your happiness the applause. This music and dance of life is eternal, with or without you. Still have some doubts? Let's go to old age homes, meet up our elders once a year — the International Day and of the Older Persons on October 1 reminds us. 

In the meandering lanes and by-lanes of our lives, the dos and don'ts have come to acquire the shape of law. The Senior Citizens Act 2007 says children must support their parents financially. But before the money part, let's get across the unsaid part: the idioms, phrases entangled in our "rules of engagement," in our collective psyche. One of them is: "A son is a son till he gets a wife; a daughter is a daughter all her life." It's not important that you agree. Our family system over the years has gathered more of financial layers than the effects of bonding. The result is while we do talk about looking after our parents and elders, we tend to shortchange ourselves as they lose out in the 'number game.' 

That fact and many more will stare you in the face as you read on stories about 'losers by choice.' There would be no gainers as the social paradigm shifts to preponderance of pensions and government's welfare doles as nuclear families increasing opt for stand-alone identities. 

Family values

New Delhi: "I look after my mother because of family values. I did not know there is a law that makes it mandatory for me to do so," said Anshu Kapoor, an IT professional who works with an airline in Gurgaon. Kavita Kumar echoes the view. "I am single and stay on my own but I do visit my parents regularly. My father retired from government service and gets pension. My brother is abroad and does come home at least once a year. But I did not know that I can be questioned about my duty towards my father."

Bindapur is the only old age home run by the Delhi government. The facility at Lampur in Narela is run by an NGO. The Centre grants projects to NGOs to run Old age homes. The Delhi government, through the social welfare department provides Rs 1,000 as pension to those in age group of 60 to 69 years of age while those aged 70 years and above get Rs 1,500 per month.

At Bindapur home, Laxmi, in her eighties, was born in Pakistan, lived in Kalka in Haryana and has been a resident of the age home for about a decade. Widowed in her mid-thirties with three daughters to raise, Laxmi refuses to live with her children:"hamare yahan beti ke paas nahin rehte (we don't stay with daughters as per our traditions)". All visitors to her room are greeted with a gummy smile and "cha peeoge?" She makes her own tea with hot water from an electric kettle, cleans her own utensils and clothes and is visibly happy.

"There are 82 residents   20 men and 62 women  in this home. Over 20 are mentally disturbed women and we have kept them together in an air conditioned hall. The problem is that police keep dropping off destitute elderly persons, including the mentally disturbed, and then forget about them," says home superintendent Charan Singh.

 — Seema Kaul

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Income source

• 65% older persons are totally dependent on others, says the survey 
• 35% are financially secure because they have earned, saved or inherited well.
• For 38% of respondents pension was the main source of income
• Over four-fifth (over 80%) respondents said major problems were medical and healthcare.

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Patiala pains

Patiala: The inmates of Sai Birdh Ashram at Chaura village in the city can't thank god enough for sending them to a place that feels like home. The home came up in 2001 with three inmates by Urmil Kumari, the founding president. A retired government school teacher, she spent all her life's savings and retirement benefits on the home. 

Currently the ashram houses 35 inmates, including 13 women and 22 men. Most of them have lost contact with their families. Over the last six months three inmates died in the ashram, but none from their families, despite being informed, turned up to claim their bodies. 

Urmil Kumari and other members of the Jiwan Ram Roshan Ala Trust, which runs the ashram, are bothered about the inmates being left like this. The home, the trust says, is their family. Supported by Pratibha Sharma and Col Karminder Singh (retd), the ashram is run only on donation. 

Pritpal Singh (70) worked as a hawker at Ambala bus stand. He was "dumped" by his wife and son at the ashram 16 years back. Similarly, despite having one son and a daughter, Krishna Kumari from Delhi stays in the ashram since she was ill-treated by her son and could not bear the torture anymore. 

Trust president Col Karminder Singh says the trust sends a body to the PGI Chandigarh if no one turns up to claim a dead inmate - a painful decision. The bodies can also be donated to the Department of Anatomy, Government Medical College, Patiala, after rituals. 

— Gagan K. Teja 

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Hope in daughter

Jalandhar: A cot and a chair in a dingy dormitory of the Old Age Home of the Red Cross Society is the whole world for 83-year old Manohar Lal for eight years. He lost his hand tool manufacturing business at Attari Bazaar about three decades ago. He pins his hope on his two sons, in vain.

"My daughter insists I live with her, but I don't want to a burden. She bears all my expenses, including on medicines. When I visit her, she even pays the rickshaw fare," says Lal. The inmates have to pay Rs 1,000 to the home each month. They require additional money to take care of their daily needs.

Manohar Lal has his company with 78-year-old Ganesh Prasad. "I was managing all my daily chores by myself till I suffered a paralytic attack a few years ago. The right side of my body got affected and I could no longer go to the market or cook myself. I came here last year." Their third partner Harbhajan works as a security guard. A guard looks after them.

 — Deepkamal Kaur

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Shades of sacrifice

Rohtak: There is no government-run shelter home for the elderly in the city, though a couple of privately managed ones look after them. Chief Judicial Magistrate Jyoti Lamba, the secretary of the District Legal Services Authority (DLSA), says legal aid is provided to the senior citizens. "We also reach out to the elderly on a regular basis and tell them about their legal rights and facilities provided by the government." She says property disputes are common.

Vijay Khurana, who manages a shelter home for destitute women, says in numerous cases, the elderly persons who have no issue of their own are ousted by their families or put in such a situation that they find it better to leave their home. "Whenever we come across any such individual, we counsel the family. However, in case the abandoned elderly person is mentally disturbed, it becomes quite difficult to know their whereabouts." 

"Owing to the feeling of sacrifice in our culture, most parents do not tell their children how much they need them. They want their children to focus on their career and happiness, even if this means parents themselves getting excluded from their children's life," says Dr Devender Sangwan, a practicing psychiatrist. 

— Sunit Dhawan

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Ashram an abode

Hisar: A visit to the Moksha Ashram, located on the outskirts of the town on Kaimari road, is a giveaway for an unbreakable family bond. Inder Kapoor (90) retired as librarian from a college in 1984. He has been in the Ashram for last six years. His son is settled in Delhi and two daughters are married in Hisar. But he says he prefers to live in the Ashram. "I like the environment here. All my needs, especially medical care, are fulfilled. I don't want to disturb my children. They occasionally visit me", he says. 

Ram Pyari (97) comes from Yamunanagar. She says her two businessmen-sons abandoned her. She was left alone to stay in a rented accommodation. Later, her daughter brought her to the Ashram. 

Vijay, the caretaker at the Moksha Ashram, says the home came up in 2006 with the help of locals. "Instead of cash, we urge people to donate in kind. We have no dearth of such people, so there is no shortage of anything for over 50 aged persons living here," he says. "We have no government support. We want the administration to provide us water connection and a road in front of the Ashram," he said. 

— Deepender Deswal

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Making sense of pension

Ambala: Old age homes and rented accommodations are the last resort for many elderly people. Says Ashok Sharma (67), retired flying officer, staying at an old age home being run by Red Cross: "I have been here for last two years after a dispute with my children. I am a retired officer I get enough pension to fulfill my needs."

Meenakshi Devi, 60, has three sons and five daughters. She is forced to live alone at a rented room in Ambala Cantonment. "One of my daughters helped me when I fell ill. My pension is not enough," she says. Social Welfare Officer Ambala Surjit Kaur said: "I meet the elderly people. They seek care and attention. Though the pension amount is not much, we try to make them feel happy." 

— Nitish Sharma

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Looking for help

Karnal: When Jasbir Kaur Gulati gave birth to three sons, she thought they would support her in her last days. Today, she is abandoned. She lives in an old age home at Nirmal Dham, situated in Model Town, Karnal, constructed by family of late astronaut Kalpana Chawla in 1998. It is run by the Labhmal Kartar Kaur Charitable Trust.

As many as 140 elders live in the shelter. These elderly people are either abandoned by their children/relatives or they have no one to look after them.

The situation of elders is not good at the District Social Welfare Office, where elders have to struggle to get their pension. As many as 84,539 people are getting old age pension, while 43,303 are getting widow pension. Similarly, as many as 10,392 get handicap pension, 7,619 dependent of destitute are getting financial assistance.

Dharam Singh, a resident of Gangatehri village in Assandh block, says he received his pension till February this year, but it was discontinued without any information. He comes to the welfare office twice in a week, but no luck so far.

— Parveen Arora