A man’s woman

Nonika Singh

A superstar gets married for the second time to a plain Jane. And a fellow colleague can't help but smirk, "What did he see in her?" Indeed, what do men see in women? Judging by the amount of time most women spend on the way they look one would assume physical appearance tops the list. As banker-turned-writer Ravi Subramanian says, "Looks are indeed the first hook." But what keeps a man hooked is a different story altogether. And one thing is clear: men don't see women as they see themselves or as other women see them.

By and large men rarely notice what a woman is wearing. If five out of 10 will have difficulty recalling the colour you wore on your most important date, nine on 10 will never get the shade right.

John Gray told us many years ago that men and women look at the world differently. It's not just the pacifist vs. war approach that divides them; even simple trivia has a different connotation in their lives. So while red is red and pink is pink for the perennially colour-challenged male, a woman's shade card rangs from fuchsia, hot pink, baby pink and so on.

But that doesn't men mean don't notice. Height is a clincher for actor Sonu Sood, an attribute that makes him stand up and notice that gal in the corner. But a toss between a drop-dead gorgeous stunner who can't strike a conversation and the one with average looks and a great talker and men are likely to fall for the latter. Intellect, attitude and even aspiration figure most prominently in a man's report card for women. Yes, some men may love an arm candy dangling by their side but most want women who can think not only for themselves but at times for them too. Surveys might tell you otherwise but Subramanian believes, men, rather modern men, not only love independent women but also stand a better chance of developing a relationship with a free-willed girlie. The one who goes scurrying to her parents for advice and consultation is a complete downer. Looks like it's not just mama's boys but even daddy's girls don't cut ice with the opposite gender. Too shy… too coy belong to another era and looked best on the silver screen of yore and must rest exactly there.

Today's man wants a woman who can speak her mind. If truth be told, men find confidence sexy and not a woman's cup size. Sure they may continue to gaze at Sunny Leone and the assets of more of her ilk but fall in love they do with a woman with a heart, sense of humour, character and intelligence, honesty and more. Yes, good looks won't hurt but if you believe that and that alone drives men and their libido you couldn't be more wrong. The hottest of them all, Randeep Hooda, who himself figures in the list of most desirable men of the country, won't tell you what he likes in a woman. But what he doesn't is clearly spelt out — skinny women and those fair maidens who get drunk.

Just as women come in many sizes and shapes, men's need of her, too, varies from man to man and also his state of mind at that particular point in life. Nevertheless, cheerful attitude, flirty gestures, seductive voice…. men are attracted by more than one attribute. But one thing no man wants is a nag. A petulant woman, howsoever, sexy who will not let him watch or play his game of golf in peace, is a complete turn off. Though there might be some wisdom in the conventional truism that men fall in love with their eyes and women with their ears — men, too, can be won over with the magic of words. And the magical three words, 'I love you' are not the only ones they like to hear.

Like women, men, too, love to be appreciated and needed. "Why not," says Sonu and adds, "Who doesn't like to be told they are good and good looking as well?" Flattery will get you everywhere with a man too. Subramanian quips, "More likely with a man who he is as it is starved of praise as most women are not so forthcoming in their appreciation of a man. Besides, men don't analyse too much and more often than not are likely to take it at the face value and fall for it." So any woman who can make him feel like a king is their lady of dreams.

For most men, bromance is way of life. Make room for it and it will not threaten your cosy nest with him. Of course, romance itself means different things to both sexes. For women it lies in details. What she wore on her first date, what she ordered when he proposed…. all of which a man couldn't remember to save his life. He may be your knight in shining armour but if you want him to read your mind well you are barking up the wrong sex.

Men don't expect you to read between the lines nor attribute motives even where some exist. As compared to the fair sex, they are far less complicated and often mean what they say. If he hasn't uttered the golden words as yet don't read anything in his gestures. But once he has committed himself be assured. That's proof enough that he wants you. What makes him want you is the person that you are and that could include a lot many physical attributes too. Sure he notices your toe nails, your gray roots and your teeth. And a recent survey says the first thing men notice in women is eyes. But all of this need not add up to a quintessential supermodel. Beauty lies in a man's eyes… which woman would make his heart go dhak dhak depends entirely on how and whom he sees.

So all you women who are trying too hard to grab his attention, remember men decode women according to a code of strictly their own. And a narcissist self-obsessed woman won't fit the bill. In fact, obsessing too much over catching his eye might land you in no man's land. Try deciphering what he wants all too subtly, else you can only hit into gender blind spots. Either blindfolded or eyes wide open men can't help falling in love with women. Perfect or not quite so as Dr Gray said, "Fortunately, perfection is not a requirement for creating great relationships." Attraction sure is and chemistry is not necessarily biology.