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The sibling act

Sibling rivalry is an unending and unabating competition between brothers and sisters.

The sibling act

Above and left: The younger child is normally more pampered which the elder one finds difficult to understand. This often leads to many fights 



Seerat Toor Grewal

Sibling rivalry is an unending and unabating competition between brothers and sisters. If not checked at right time it can blow out of proportion and can take difficult forms.

It usually happens in households with two or more kids and usually starts at the birth of the second child. The younger one is normally more pampered and cared for which the elder one finds it difficult to accept and understand. For latter, the former has simply invaded into his/her share of love and attention. The mere reason that one has been displaced by the other never goes away. It can be really nasty at times as the elder child feels complete powerlessness and enters into regular and unreasonable revolts. These youngsters are constantly fighting for their share of love and endorsements from their parents and at time harbour a fear of being completely dejected. The guests, friends, relatives also unknowingly add to the woes of the already suffering child by paying more attention to the younger one. This, if topped with a pinch of gender cues, can make matters worse.

 

 

Different facets

Siblings are blessings and are essential for the overall development of the child. Children develop a sense of cooperation and caring for each-other. The bonds so developed over the years are instrumental in shaping emotional intelligence of the child. However, the story does not always begin on a happy note as the first interactions and adjustments, many a times, do not come automatically. The want for attention which has been evidently snatched, albeit innocently, by the younger one often leads to strong outbursts and a constant fight to prove the superiority by putting the younger one down or physical bullying.

· Some parents take all this in a positive spirit. They consider that children who indulge in such trivial animosities and constant fights actually learn to tame their emotions very early on in life. For them it becomes very easy to understand and decipher the adult reasons and causes of particular acts. Many families take pride in telling the world that being parents of two kids their first few years were never calm and easy. Some, however, chose not to interfere in most of the situations and let their kids settle their own scores.

· A family with two siblings observed that after a period of time the elder one who was highly combative was getting melted with the innocence of his younger brother. He gradually became a third parent to him and now when they are in their teens, they mess and they gel but they can’t do without each other.

· The other case is equally intriguing where parents often over-indulge in the kids’ affairs out of love and protection for the younger one. It sounds bizarre but the fact is that many times even soft everyday comparisons, assisted-wins in everyday games and even frivolous rebukes can be a turning point in the young minds. All such acts are agreeably unintentional but such favouritisms make a lot of difference. Such experiences are at times hard to rinse off from one’s mind and can turn into bad adolescence fights and ugly adulthood jealousy.

 

Tips for parents

Parents usually have a hard time beseeching the uncompromising and unruly ways and attitudes of their children. They, however, have a major role to play in this as they have to identify the same at the budding stages and take appropriate steps to discourage any rash behaviour.

Parents' response to all actions will ultimately determine how well the kids get along as they will have to be assisted with all emotions they develop and carefully walked out of all negative pockets of mind.

Parents have to be there for each child equally and have to work out a well marked space for each of them. They should know when to intervene in small frivolous fights and when to actually watch from a distance. Little steps taken at right time can help children overcome adverse feelings whereas absence of these can be devastating to the mental growth of both the children and also to the family bonds.

Playing fair and explaining the reasons of your action to the one that is little older is essential.

One should propagate cooperation and not competition in any form as latter breeds comparison.

As a parent how one treats conflict is important and it’s widely seen that no treatment is the best treatment.

Experts suggest that the children need enough space, equal attention and appreciation. In a combined activity it is never a wise idea to accuse only one child even though he/she maybe the elder one.

One wrong act done together should be generalised as wrong for all and no one should be specifically penalized. The buzzwords are: Be there, listen and at times just let them be...

 

 

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