Teach them life skills

Aruti Nayar

• 20-year-old Sakshi was about to get married. In the run-up to the big day, excitement levels ran high and she had scoured all possible exhibitions and malls for her trousseau. When a friend asked her what about the mental preparation for a changed role, she was flummoxed.
• 18-year-old Raghu was all set to join college in Mumbai after a protected upbringing. Nothing had prepared him for the bullying and the peer-group pressure to conform. He did not have the strength to stand up for himself and returned home depressed and with low self esteem.
• At 17, Chaya was bright and an achiever but when she did not get admission into the coveted college that she had set her sight on, she could not take the setback and dropped out of college altogether.

The World Health Organisation has defined life skills as adaptive and positive behaviour that enable you to meet the challenges of life. Even though these skills are a part of the curriculum and life-skill educators are in great demand, how successfully are children imbibing them is another question. It is a given that our system of education is achievement oriented and not child oriented. The philosophy in ancient India was one of the guru-shishya tradition. The basis of education was the thrust on a wholistic approach where you acquired knowledge as well as learnt values and a code of conduct. The onus was on the teacher for being responsible both for literacy as well as knowledge and the personality development of the student as well. ]\

Beyond information
In this age of information, technology and gadgets that can speed up communication, both teaching or parenting have to gear up to meet the demands of the changing times. In an age where meritocracy flourishes and excellence is the goal, focus has to be on meeting needs of the children beyond various levels of scholastic competence. Parents and teachers have to become facilitators to help the youth to develop skills and become empowered to live effectively, realising their potential. This empowerment is extremely essential in today’s context in India in view of the rapid globalisation and urbanisation and the consequential breaking up of joint families and traditional support systems.
There are no cushions any longer and no one to tell you what to do, how to do it and even what not to do. Ironically, for a fiercely independent generation that has fought for its right to rebel, it is tough trying to evolve coping mechanisms singlehanded. Without the guidance provided by elders and the community, the young can often flounder and realise that the price to be paid for individuality is too high. The skill-set required to cope with the peaks and troughs of life sometimes has to be acquired at an undeniably high cost.
Surveys have often outlined how the youth has to contend with many issues in the rapidly changing social scene of India. Some of the major issues that impact the young are academic stress, violence including bullying, sexual permissiveness, easy drug availability and abuse, crowding, poor infrastructure and a deep social divide.

Confused parents
How much freedom is too much is a question that pops up often enough as parents (often in exacting careers themselves) too try and struggle to evolve a code for the post-liberalisation kids, whose level of exposure and mental make-up is diametrically different from theirs. In the era of information overload, there are hardly any props that can prop you up. “I can’t hug my i-phone or i-pad”, screamed the 14-year-old when her busy mother told her to stop being a pest. “I was giving her space but she wanted me to lay down ground rules,” said the mother who was trying to be a chilled-out mom and had ensured the child had all top-of-the-line gadgets to be “on top of the learning curve.”

Learning to analyse
The battle will become easier if coping skills are in-built into the education system. The system should train the students not only to replicate what has been learnt but also to identify and analyse issues, problems and situations around them. They should then find ways to understand, explain, solve and resolve them. As Nilanjana Gupta, an academician, involved in syllabus design puts it, “In our country, the emphasis of most curricula is on the ability of students to retain information. The syllabus, pedagogy and methods of evaluation need to change in order to ensure that students are encouraged to be able to think for themselves. We need to move from information to knowledge as the desired goal or outcome of education”. So, the teachers should teach students how to think, not what to think.
It is often a tough call to take for teachers as well as parents, more so for the latter. Life in the fast lane, with huge packages and running to stay even at the same place, also means more latch-key children. It also translates into lesser checks and children more entrenched in a virtual world. As a counsellor puts it, “Parents have neither the time nor the inclination to get into the nitty-gritty of parenting. Some of them do not mind even outsourcing parenting either to domestic help, teachers and if the need arises to us counsellors.” This by itself is a paradox because more and more parents are getting over involved in the planning of the children’s lives and even leisure. Ironically, helicopter parenting with parents zeroing in on kids’ every single move, achievements and trying to give them the best, does  not allow most urban middle class children the luxury to “just be.” 
Where is the elbow room or even the freedom to acquire skills, experiment and learn? Anuradha Das, Director of Garden High International School, Kolkata, does not agree. “You just cannot go on apportioning blame by saying parents are busy.” She believes education by its very nature is a life skill. Even though lives have become hectic and lifestyles demanding, children should be educated by teachers who should have a sense of belonging. Community service teaches them to connect to society and the philosophy of learning to lead balanced happy lives can be inculcated in the formative years. What is important is the way to teach life skills — by talking to the children who will definitely grasp lessons that are taught the play way. Teachers should talk and teach beyond academics about life choices, instead of being didactic or preachy.

Life, the great teacher
However, not all agree to the assertion that life skills are not being imparted. In fact, it is only life events that actually prepare one for life in reality. No amount of dress rehearsal can ensure that the actual performance will go smoothly and seamlessly. As Nina Singh, who runs an NGO and has been a teacher-cum-confidante to many generations, feels, “Schools are giving the young coping skills. But it is only life that prepares you for age-appropriate behaviour. No amount of training can prepare you for life situations such as a heartbreak.” Quite apt but you can learn how to bounce back from a heartbreak.
A look at what constitutes life skills is  revealing. Interpersonal skills and social traits and soft soft skills are easier to impart and imbibe as compared to decision making and the quality of introspecting and learning self awareness. Empathy too has to be gained by encouraging community service. We have to make them shed the cocoon and show how the social divide operates. Critical thinking and problem solving in the young can be fostered by allowing sufficient autonomy to take decisions and, importantly, the responsibility for life choices. Parents must learn to let go. Only an empowered child or young adult has the requisite competence to cope with the challenges of life using available resources even amidst adversities. How about taking time out to give some lessons on and for life?

How about life lessons?

Life skills are abilities for adaptive and positive behaviour that enable individuals to deal effectively with the demands and challenges of everyday life — (WHO) Life skills are distinctly different from physical or perceptual motor skills, such as practical or health skills, as well as from livelihood skills, such as crafts, money management and entrepreneurial skills.

Social skills: Self awareness, effective communication, interpersonal relationship and empathy

Thinking skills: Creative thinking, critical thinking, decision making and problem solving

Emotional skills: Coping with stress and coping with emotions

They represent the psycho-social skills that determine valued behaviour and include reflective skills such as problem-solving and critical thinking, to personal skills such as self-awareness, and to interpersonal skills. Practising life skills leads to qualities such as self-esteem, sociability and tolerance. They also lead to action competencies to enable the individual to take action and generate change. These skills nurture the capabilities to have the freedom to decide what to do and who to be. Health, livelihood and education however, can be designed to be complementary to life skills education, and vice versa.