At your service, not really

When I entered my mother’s room with my cup of adrak chai this morning, the lady seemed rather peeved. The signs that all was not well were obvious when she looked balefully at me over her newspaper and snorted in response to my greetings. I rapidly searched my memory for any acts of omission or error but couldn’t recollect anything that I had (or hadn’t) done to warrant snorts. I settled down to reading about the national debate on whether sports shoes worn with sherwanis were a fashion hit or miss. 

Mother’s snort was followed by a ‘humph’ or two, then her newspaper rustled angrily, signaling that the denouement was about to take place. I gingerly lowered my own paper. Was I the culprit? 

Mom: Look at these people! They want chutti for a full month and that too in June. Batao!

Me: Which people?

Mom: Tribhuvan and Rekha. 

The house help! I was saved.

Me: Well, mom, it’s been two years since they went home. 

Mom: And they must go together?

Me: Customary for a husband and wife, no?

Mom: Humph! Easy for you to say.

I knew that one way or another, I was about to become the target and the culprit of the approaching no-staff situation. I thought it expedient to change the topic.

Me: I have an idea! Let’s order a Roomba Robotic Vacuum Cleaner! They can clean, brush and suctions floors. There are some robots that vacuum, sweep and damp mop — all in one! You just need to connect them and they’re ready! What do you think?

Mom: Replace the maid with a vacuum? Have you gone mad? She’s been with us for 25 years.

Me: Mom, it’s the future. Artificial Intelligence is being used in day-to-day life and in manufacturing, business, hospitals, education and finance. It is making life easier for human beings.

Mom: Seems to me that it’s easing out human beings from jobs.

Me: Yes, but there are some highly repetitive jobs that can easily be replaced by robots. Look, you always complain about how it’s getting awfully difficult to get help. Why wouldn’t you opt for a robot that can clean your car, or even a robot-driven car?

Mom: What! Swap Tribhuvan with a bunch of steel? Never! You ought to have more empathy for people. 

She was judging me, as usual. In the last desperate attempt, I said:

You could even use robots for entertainment. Remember Deep Blue, the IBM supercomputer that beat the great Garry Kasparov in Chess the 1990s? Imagine if you could play your game of Canasta with robots whenever you wished. No depending on anyone else.

Mom: And miss all the gossip and chatter and snacks with my friends! Plus, who wants to play a game that you’ll always lose? 

She disappeared behind her paper. I sighed and did the same.

Moral: People who think they can win an argument with their mothers should get themselves some AI!  — AS