The art of parenting

WG CDR D.P.S.Bajwa (retd)

Parenting a child is not formally taught anywhere. We all learn from our own life experiences. This also will depend upon how well educated you are. To me it is a very skilful job and not that we can leave the child to grow without proper guidance/ direction to make him/her a good citizen. Some parents believe in giving total freedom and insist that a child must not be "checked" for anything in formative years. It may be true for the present-day generation, but I always believed that a child must be told to distinguish between right and wrong, thus needs guidance at every step. I would say that our kids were best behaved and also learnt most life skills at an early age. We loved them and gave all the privileges/luxuries that we could afford at that point of time. 

It is very easy to pamper children with money and material gifts but as a prudent parent, you have to draw a line as to which of their genuine demand is to be met and what is to be politely and firmly declined. There is no need to succumb to the pressure of their every demand. We always gave an impression to our children that there was no free flow of money but the money was made available for all essential requirements only. Therefore, they never became very fussy till they were in their late teens when peer pressure started building up. But by then they had a fair judgement of how much and where to spend. This brings us to another important item i.e. pocket money. 

Fortunately, there was no flood of fast foods and Cokes in those days, so home-made snacks and tiffin were never resented resulting in less damage to health. Opening a bank account at an early age and inculcating savings habit go a long way in life. When my daughter got married, she used to be so worried that her household expenses were too high so she would curtail/control it by budgeting, not that her husband objected, but just because she had never spent such huge amounts earlier. 

Similarly, though we gave our son the best of education in a foreign country but he never got extra money to spend on himself or on girlfriends etc. This made him so much calculative that when he started earning, he managed his finances very well by saving and balancing his spending. Parents who do not teach their kids the value of money at an early stage or do not limit their pocket money, invariably inflict such life-long damage that children sometimes ruin their lives by living beyond their resources. Surplus or unaccounted money given to children can lead to drug abuse, poor attention to their studies and falling prey to bad company. I know a parent who had been trying to be magnanimous to his child by never making him accountable for money given to him. When this boy grew up, he went abroad for studies and his father gave him his hard-earned money year after year but this boy kept failing and did not disclose to parents that he never progressed in studies. The boy did not compromise on his life comforts and kept milking his parents without any guilt. This all happened because he was never taught the value for money at right time and thus felt no pain in wasting it. 

Another one from my family got tonnes of money from parents for settling abroad and later for financing the purchase of a house abroad but he started living life "king size" and started trying his luck in Casinos. Before he or his parents, could realise the whole money had evaporated. It was a criminal wastage but too late to correct the habit. That is why it is important to catch them young. Judicious planning/spending is essential to make the kids responsible adults who can manage their lives well.