The sorry saga!
This 'n' that
By Renee Ranchan

WHAT is it about the ‘S’ word? Sorry, I should spell that out — Sorry, that is the word. Why does it have a way of sticking to the throat? And is uttered usually so, reluctantly? Is it because the taste is that of humble pie? It signifies a defeat of sorts — yes, in the how-can-I-ever-be-wrong incredulity? Is it not after all, the I-am-always-right age? Sorry being something you expect to hear, never have to mutter yourself? Sorry, thus ego-bruising. And going against the cultural sorry-I-shan’t-say-sorry mantra? That has become quite a jingle, no?

Anyhow, I shall tell you sometime in between what — who really — got me started on this piece. Actually, I am rather grateful to her. There I was twiddling my thumb and racking my brain over what to write — topics, no they do not come easy — when she breezed in about her sorry situation. Curious? Yes, but of course. A little wait, however, please. A few years ago, I read an article in an American magazine on the ‘sorry issue’. And yes, found it interesting — so much so that I could have missed my flight! You have heard of airport-readers, I am sure? Well, I am a voracious one..., I, cannot of course, reproduce the article even if it was not because of a space-crunch... it is a must with me to sell, once read, all newspapers and magazines. Collectors item, what pray, is that? My raddiwallah needless to say, remains happy... eight newspapers a day (a professional hazard) Who would not be?

But back to this article (the one I had read). The author takes a case study of both Americans and Japanese (poles-apart) reactions in the same situation. In Japan if one car collides, bumps or scrapes the other, do you know what happens? Both drivers jump out of the car and with synchronised spontaneity (ask the Japanese how spontaneity can be synchronised!) apologies in an one-outdoing-the-other fashion. It does not matter who was at fault...both believe they have a role in the accident! And at the other end of the ocean, the Americans would neverever dream of apologising or taking the blame. Accidents, a multi-million dollar business — insurance companies, remember — have no room for the non-profitable sorry in their scheme of things. Yes, America a litigious nation. When in an accident, as in being injured, the first person to be summoned, (no, not the doctor) is a lawyer! No, I am not joking. If you happened to have slipped in a park, sue the country. Big money, no? If you feel your doctor has ignored you, bring in the attorney — that is better than the cure. I actually know of one doctor who recently acquired a law degree as well. Reason: with the way patients have started slapping lawsuits against doctors it is essential to know the legal system. You can never be safe enough. That is her verbatim explanation. And, I thought my memory had gone for a six! But let’s stop globe-trotting and hit our own shores.

In India, given the ditto car-scrape case, what would happen? An argument, a mammoth-sized one, would ensue. Traffic would come to a honking halt and passersby would stop to see what was happening and stay on to ogle. Both would blame the other and demand immediate compensation. Fists could fly as well. In Delhi, it is a normal sight. Has something to do with the weather too...hot weather equals hot heads. Things are so bad that if you stop at a red-light, the car driver behind you would want you to make room for him so that he could move on — yes, it is a fact. Traffic rules, what are they? My traffic-tales, teeth-gnashing once, shall have to wait.... And now to satisfy your curiosity!

Cousin Saasha dropped in just at I was sitting with a blank sheet and even a blanker look — what on earth should I write about? But I have, have I not already told you that? So let me hurry on. Saasha was upset with her husband. Tell me something new, Iwhispered disinterestedly. (The cousin did not pause to throw a hurt look my way as she had not heard my under-the-breath comment). He did so many wrong things — forgot their lunch-date (married couples, still dating that was news!) the most recent slip. And what did he have to say about that? A quick and simple sorry. Well, was that not good enough in anybody’s book — the surprise in my voice, how could I keep it out? The long and short of it, his sorrys were sort of reflex utterances that were mouthed because that was the expected order. Not because he felt that way. But in going with the sensitive, caring 90s man, he believed it was his duty. (I am sure you have seen the ‘Nivea for men’ ad?Men, I suspect, take their cue from there...)

Saasha’s question: Sorry, should come from the heart, no? And does not sorry come with the ‘I have realised my fault and promise not to repeat it’ condition? Intelligent questioning, that you have got to hand it out to her. Have studies not said men have less EQ —Emotional Quotient — than women? (About IQ the misconception that men have more, has of late been dismissed! This EQ question was mine. Saasha, however, got up to leave — she was, after ages, going to sit in the sun and peel oranges. A winter rite. Yes, winter is finally here, the thought itself gives me that robust feeling. Her parting question: (now I understand what they mean by ‘Catharsis makes you forget’!) Is it true that while sunbathing, vitamin D is tossed in all for free? "Yes", said I in my best academic voice. Wondering when I could perch myself on my terrace and feel deliciously toasty under the pale winter sun...Did you know Americans actually celebrate, or should I say observe, Sorry Day? No, this is not contradicting the car story...this is just one day they mechanically keep for spouting sorrys, apologies.

But if this is really true, do keep it to yourself.... You know, how good we are at aping anything American and these manicured apologies, no thank you.

Back to our desi ground! Our politicians, you would never catch them in a repentant mood unless it is for political mileage. What does no water, less electricity and spiralling inflation (onions, they do bring tears to the eyes) have to do with them? A leader must hold his head high.

Hanging the head down in shame,or remorse is not the way they are made! May be a lesson from Clinton would do our homespun breed some good...speak of a surfeit of sorrys! And he sure has mastered that penitent look. (Another thing, prisons used to be called penitentiaries. No, it just was not enough to serve time there. Jail was also a place where you had to feel penitent.

Sorry, in other words). Hmm, so let’s see — an off-hand rushed sorry, does not mean anything. Nor does popping out a dime a dozen sorrys mean anything, especially when you drop these sorrys for the same, done-100-times-over action. And, yes whoever said "love means never ever to say sorry" could not have got it more wrong. A rip in a relationship? A genuine, sprung-from-the-heart sorry puts you on the road to repair.

Yes, without the essential sorry, life would be a perennial pebble in the shoe... . Achingly uncomfortable, what do you think?