NET PICKING

Corporate monkeys

START with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it.

Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result-all the apes are sprayed with cold water.

Turn off the cold water. If, later, another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them. Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one.

The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well.

Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs.

Why not?

"Because that’s the way it’s always been around here."

We can’t afford it

Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don’t think we can afford it."

The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment. Then you don’t make another payment for six months."

Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and says, "Who told you about us?"

Engineering position

Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job, and both applicants having the same qualifications, the department manager asked them to take a test to determine who would get the job. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the job to the American." The Irishman replied, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I think I should get the job!" The manager replied, "We have made our decision based not on the number of correct answers, but on the question you missed." "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" "Simple. The American put down on question #5, ‘I don’t know.’ You put down, ‘Neither do I.’"

Big John doesn’t pay!

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn’t pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn’t pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

(These jokes have been culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma)