Love defies definition

TRYING to define love is like trying to put wind in a cage. It defies definition. There are many kinds of love that have nothing in common except an undercurrent of emotion towards something — may be a person, an institution, a piece of music or painting, a book or just about anything else in the world. One may love God, prophets, scriptures, one’s country, nature or one’s language; one may love one’s parents, siblings or children. However, the commonest use of the word is for affection between a man and a woman of roughly the same age group. It is only in this relationship that desire for physical contact forms an integral component. It is the most popular theme of poetry, songs and novels.

Recently I read a collection of poems, A Lifetime Isn’t Long Enough to Love You, by James Kavanaugh. It was sent to me by Prema Subramaniam, my Raakhi sister who is a sales assistant in one of the branches of Barnes &Noble in New York. She had marked many passages for my attention. I read them first; then the entire collection twice over, marking other passages which I liked. I had never heard of Kavanaugh. He is a poet, philosopher, professor, Catholic priest and author of some 30 books of poetry, fiction and non-fiction. He is recognised as the poet laureate of America. He is in his 70s. I’ve asked Prema to send me some more of his books.

Kavanaugh starts by trying to define his subject. "Love is a complex experience which seems to follow no rules but its own. Romantic love can have the power of a hurricane, or the tenderness of soft west wind. I have known, too, a chance introduction which almost instantly and magically merged into a lifelong friendship. And I’ve known love that refused to blossom over decades despite close, frequent contact. Then suddenly, this same person I had not considered significant became a treasured friend."

Though primarily a lover of nature, Kavanaugh is talking about love between human beings. He goes on to elucidate:

"At times my love for women has been so lusting and impulsive that I cared not for name, history, education, race or creed, nor previous or present commitments. At other times my love was scarcely physical at all, but a soothing caress massaging my every cell as if I were floating in a mystic rain forest, or seeing the moon burst from behind clouds, turning darkness to silver."

Men and women spend their lifetimes looking for an ideal mate for themselves. It is Majnu’s quest for his Leila.

"Thousands of men and women finally ready
For their missing mate,
To give new meaning to their lives,
Love beyond security and conditions,
Gentleness and easy laughter,
Loyalty and innate kindness."

The choice of mate may be wrong in the eyes of one’s family and friends. But that is of little consequence to the lovers:

"You’re a whole new experience!
You love me like no one ever has,
And I could care less that my family says:
‘There’s no reason for us to be together.’
They don’t seem to understand that
I don’t need a reason,
Because I love you."

The poet is of the opinion that only people who love themselves can love others:

"To love you is to feel that I am loveable, when
A lifelong diffidence, deeply instilled made it hard to love myself.
Until I remembered how your glowing eyes devoured me,
Making me feel I was someone I’d never really known,
So that if one such as you could really love me,
Perhaps I could learn to love myself.
Thank you for the tingling eloquence of your lips,
The startling sunrise that illumines your whole face,
The trembling caress of Spring’s kindest breeze...."

"To love is not to possess, to own or imprison," writes Kavanaugh. "Love dies when private lives are smothered, when solitude and privacy are not allowed".

"Thus, some are forever afraid of love
Because they have known but a joining
That denies private thoughts
Or even independent breaths.
And finally destroys the genuine selves
That might have united them,
Had lust not briefly blinded them
And fear locked them in crippling dependence,
Guaranteeing they can never dare be
But strangers even to themselves,
Despite the gilded guise that beguiles many."

Perfect love requires sharing common interests. When people begin to drift apart then the spell is broken for ever:

"We share a house that once was home,
And walk a separate way,
We sleep alone and eat alone,
And wonder why we stay.
I am not the sun I was.
Irreplaceable and light.
You are not the rising moon
That shone when all was night.
All my dreams are fantasies,
Our deepest love is gone.
May be we’ll say a familiar word
And somehow live along.
But you are time and so am I
And time can pass us by.
Never again two matching stars
Forever in the sky!"

Kavanaugh has beautiful things to say about love of nature, dogs, cats and friends, brothers and sisters. He sums it up in an obituary composed on the death of a friend named Richard:

"What is life? What death? What is age?
What a newborn breath?
What is loss? What gain? What is comfort? What pain?
What is failure? What fame? What is different?
What the same?
Who is Richard? Why did he die? Why the Struggle?
Who am I?

Divine justice

God was in the process of creating the Universe.

And he was explaining his subordinates...

"Look everything should be in balance. For every 10 deer there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the United States of America. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes... And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land. So that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance."

One of the angels asked..."God, what is this beautiful country here?"

God said, "Ahah... that is the crown piece of all. India.My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains.

"A culture which speaks of great tradition. The nation is technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold."

The angel was quite surprised, "But God you said everything should be in balance."

God replied, "Look at the neighbours I gave them!"

(Contributed by Amir Tuteja, Washington)