Puzzling pictures
This 'n' that
By Renee Ranchan

LAST to last week, a couple stayed with us for a few days. I knew the husband but I was meeting his wife for the first time.

I immediately warmed up to her, however. I guess the instant liking had something to do with the jar of gajar-gobhi ka achaar she had brought for us. I have a yen for pickles — eating them, not pickling them. The lady was sweet, an easy guest ... the kind that does not want you to bend yourself backwards in laying a meal, makes her own bed, does not empty out your shampoo bottles... Get the picture?

Over a pot of tea, she told me how much she liked her ‘job’ as a housewife. But, she added, she would no longer be able to go on thus. Puzzled, I confessed to her that I did not quite understand. She said that she enjoyed being a housewife, managing the home, tending to the garden, personally picking the day’s vegetables while bargaining brilliantly with the vegetable vendor... but there was no way she would continue thus. Would she please care to elaborate? Said she, there was something about the word ‘housewife’ that made people shrug their shoulders disinterestedly. And why was it that she felt that the housewife was treated like a speck of dust, that much-needed dust that provided reality and balance to life but still needed to be flicked away from time to time? This was getting pretty heavy, especially with her eyes all welled up. So, I had to excuse myself. Think I said I had a couple of things to attend to. An hour later I returned to my guest, thinking that she would have forgotten where we had left off. Afterall, I did have a responsibility towards her. However, I was wrong. Did I know that it just was not enough to be a housewife any more? I nodded my head in a neither yes nor no way, if you know what I mean. Undeterred, she continued. (Catharsis, now I know what it means).

At one get-together she had met a sociologist who had listened understandingly to her housewives-are-out saga. His response/analysis was: Times had changed. You may love Mummyji for making your favourite ‘paranthas’ at any time of the day but when it comes to your wife you simply cannot settle for the housewife tag. Was it because of economic reasons, I squeaked. A double salary did have its benefits. My dear guest threw me a I thought-you-were-more-intelligent look. Economics, of course, figured in it but it went beyond, far beyond that. According to the social expert, today’s men want to have a life-partner who behaves like a housewife but still manages to be a professional. "The best of both worlds", she grimaced. So it was her husband who wanted her to, as they say, ‘go professional’? No, not all... I had to wait till she returned with a fresh pot of tea (see what I said about good guests... brewing their own cuppa!) to get to know more on this

This was getting more puzzling. But now I had better dash through her story if we have to touch on other points. It was not the husband. He was happy with whatever she was happy with. (And we thought such men did not exist!) It was the outside pressure. Everytime she went to a party or a wedding, people would ask her her line of work. When she would say she ‘worked as a housewife’, she would notice a change in their attitude. Of course, I did not want to go on... teary eyes and a flushed face was not the way I wanted to see a house guest. I told her we should see Daag — The Fire, it was showing nearby and the title was intriguing. So off to the movies, we went. The fact that I had mentioned how homemaker had replaced housewife did brighten her up as well. Tell me, do you not think it is more apt a term? Anyhow, the lady had got me thinking. Some stray, till then unthought of, incidents came to mind. A few years ago someone, do not remember who, had said something about feeling ‘inferior’ to her younger sister. Reason: The kid sister was working, did not have a job but a career and yes, was also a successful, organised housewife. The younger siblings gentle jibes regarding empowerment, economic independence did not help either. Then there is a distant neighbour who once confided how she found the pressures of being a housewife colossal. Her grouse (wonder if that’s the right way of putting it!): Coping with the belligerent morning maid, the husband, who expects her to wash his razor after the morning shave, the accounts guests and looking presentable at all times... but most of all, the all-time-present apologetic feeling for not bringing a monthly income home...

And there is Akanksha, a cousin and also a veteran party-hopper, who swears that it is a woman-generated complex. Women being catty, some even come with fangs, she discloses. Want me to gloss over her theory? In a party (every party, she promises!), the professional women will have a clique of their own. The housewives may not be excluded but they will not be included in their little coterie either. The housewife’s attempts at contributing to the conversation fall on deaf ears, or are met with patronising encouragement... If what Akanksha says is true then this definitely is a case of the fairer sex humbling the fairer sex.

But that is not all, many, many months ago (perhaps it was even a year back), I saw a talk-show, the Oprah Winfrey Show... it was about housewives demanding some sort of remuneration for the time and energy they put into running the house. These women wanted to know why they had to ‘ask’ (as in explain, justify) their husbands for money when they wanted to buy or do something exclusively for themselves? (By the way, these women were just ordinary, everyday women. No feminists... so please do not wave a dismissive hand! But I do have a question: I do not for the life of me understand — why feminists make people insecure?) At the end of the day does it mean that the very same woman who gets up at the crack of dawn to make and pack her family’s tiffin, iron out the unseen creases in her son’s attire, run from room to room in search of that absconding comb or kerchief is really so inconsequential? That she has to ask for some pocket-money? And explain why it is for herself and not for the household? And this point, the power supply went off, so I did not know how it concluded. Interesting though, no? However, to change focus for a second, I really do not understand what these Super Woman T-shirts are about even after a wearer proudly explained why her family had gifted her one. Her morning coffee mug also carried the same proud title. This fortyish woman earned as much as her husband, ran a gourmet kitchen, spent ‘quality’ time with her family (funny, I cannot understand how quality can come in the absence of quantity?) and did all this and more with just four hours sleep. Yes, she was a role model. Her life, a winner’s story. You know, as I write I am feeling dizzy trying to figure this out. Is it possible to play all these multiple roles and come out smelling like roses with no trace of stress? And at what cost?