Saturday, June 17, 2000
N E T P I C K I N G


Picture

WHEN I went to get my driverís license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely, and reassured him, "Itís okay. Thatís how youíre going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."

Four-letter words

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. Back at home for a few days, the bride called her mother. "Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother. 

"Oh, Mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." 

 

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. Heís been saying things Iíve never heard before! All these awful four-letter words! Youíve got to come get me and take me home! Please, Mama!" 

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What four-letter words has he been using?" 

"Please donít make me tell you, Mama," wept the daughter, "Iím so embarrassed! Theyíre just too awful! Youíve got to come get me and take me home! Please, Mama!" 

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words!" 

Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, Mama ... words like dust, wash, iron, and cook..."

Canadian winters

THE Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. 

Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. 

"I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. Theyíve decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?" 

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I donít think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"

The gift

A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said:

"Darling, Itís my motherís birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric." 

The husband replied: "How about a chair?"

 

(The jokes have been culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma)