|Saturday, November 25, 2000||
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel directorís office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job youíve ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was having a bad day since heaven was getting crowded. When they got to the gate, St. Peter informed them that there would be a test to get into Heaven and each will have to answer a single question.
To the teacher, he said, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"
The teacher thought for a second, and replied:" That would have been the Titanic, right?".
And St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the Garbage man, and, figuring that Heaven didnít really need all the stink that this guy would bring into heaven, uncharitably decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" The garbage man guessed. "1228".
"That happens to be correct, go ahead."
St. Peter turned to
the Lawyer: "Name them."
The man told his doctor he wasnít able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "youíre just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much time at the pub, so one night he took her along.
"Whatíll you have?" he asked.
"Oh, I donít know. The same as you, I suppose," she replied.
So the husband ordered a couple of large pegs of whiskey and threw his down in one gulp.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. "Yuck, thatís nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I donít know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well," cried the husband. "And you think Iím out enjoying myself every night!"
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Letís get off the corner people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Letís get off that corner... NOW!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."
Aging and marriage
A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husbandís turn. He paused for a moment, and then said shyly, "Well, Iíd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and Boom! He was 90.
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didnít move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didnít respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldnít even try."
They were having their first fight, and finally he said, "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." She said, "I know. But I didnít want to start an argument in front of all those people."
(These jokes have been culled from various sites of the Net by Sunil Sharma)