Saturday, December 16, 2000
N E T P I C K I N G


Lottery

A blonde buys a ticket for one dollar and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The blonde says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesnít work that way. We give you a million today and then youíll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The blonde said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The blonde, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If youíre not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

 


Reasonable doubt

In a courtroom in Oklahoma, a person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidenceindicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defenceís closing statement, the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like heíll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch.

"Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom," he says and looks toward the courtroom door. The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing hap pens. Finally, the lawyer says, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retires to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returns, and a representative pronounces a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquires the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." The representative answers, "Oh, we did look. But your client didnít."

Swollen eyes

A man left for home from his office one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you did not see me for two or three days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he did not see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Smart trainee

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded,"You fool youíve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who youíre talking to?"

"No", replied the trainee.

"Itís the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"

The man shouted back, "And do you know who you are talking to, you fool?"

"No.", replied the Managing Director.

"Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!

Sad story

Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim & Scott, "Letís break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. Iíll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way." At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!!!

(The jokes have been culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma)