Saturday, April 21, 2001

Handsome earnings

A pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600.

The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!"

The plumber replied sympathetically, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer."


A blonde went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you identify yourself?" asked the bank clerk. The blonde pulls a mirror out of her handbag, looks into it and says, "Yes, it's me and I'm alright."



The case concerned a will, and an Irishman was a witness. "Was the deceased," asked the lawyer, "in the habit of talking to himself when alone?"

"I don't know," was the reply.

"Come, come, you don't know, and yet you pretend that you were intimately acquainted with him?"

"The fact is," said Pat angrily, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone."

Some regret

A man was standing first in line for tickets from those who had canceled their reservations to a sold-out play.

The manager said he had two together, and pointed to the two women behind the man.

"You wouldn't want to come between Mother and daughter, would you?"

The man turned around, and replied, "No. I did that once, and regretted it right up until the divorce."

Bigger problem

An elderly man remarks, "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?" "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible," replies his wife, "I look at your picture and the problem disappears."

"You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?" says the man.

"Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'"

Till I come!

There lived a woman in a certain rural area. Her husband lived in the town where he was employed. So this man used to come home {rural} after every month. Then the man fell ill and died. Burial was arranged and the man was laid to rest. On the tombstone as usual were written the words ....Rest In Peace.

On hearing that her husband lived a promiscuous life in the city the woman was so incensed with this and went to the grave and wrote next to the words Rest In Peace ...Till I Come.

24-hour service

A travelling salesman was passing through a rural town in Vermont and decided to take a little time out in order to have some clothes cleaned in a hurry. The town only had three streets so he was able to quickly locate a shop with a sign that read, "Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service." After giving the man his suit, he said, "I'll be back for it tomorrow."

"Won't be ready till Saturday," replied the proprietor.

"But I thought you had 24-hour service," the customer protested.

"I do, son," the proprietor said. "But I only work eight hours a day. Today's Thursday, plus Friday and Saturday, that's 24-hours."

Height or length?

Two professors of mathematics were staring away at the flag pole in front of the college building.

A professor of Physics walking by asked, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'We were wondering,' said the mathematicians, 'how to measure the height of this flag pole.'

The professor of Physics set about unscrewing the pole from its moorings, laid it on the ground, borrowed a measuring tape and said, 'It is exactly 20 feet long,' and walked away smoking his pipe.

Staring after the Physics professor, one mathematician remarked to the other, 'Smart Alec. We wanted to know the height, and he tells us the length!'

(These jokes have been culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)