Saturday, July 21, 2001
N E T P I C K I N G


Mistress

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she’ll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was she?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she’s my mistress."

"Well that’s the last straw," says the wife. "I’ve had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive, meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Cadillac STS in the garage, and no more country club, and we’ll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two smaller homes, but the decision is yours."

 


Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

"Who’s that with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That’s his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

Dedicated workers

A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks. The man was quite impressed with their hardwork, but he couldn’t understand what they were doing. Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you’re both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again.

One of the city workers explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today."

Aging and marriage

A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, and then said shyly, "Well, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and boom!

He was 90.

Historical

A man complains to a friend, "I can’t take it anymore."

"What’s wrong?" his concerned friend asks.

"It’s my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!"

"You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling.

"No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she’ll go .."I still remember that time when you ...."

(These jokes have been culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma.)

This feature was published on June 30, 2001