|Saturday, August 4, 2001||
A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The woman nodded. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
Tommy's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner. Grandpa calls 6 year old Tommy and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of. After a while, grandpa notices that Tommy is loosing interest in the conversation so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty dollar bill. He shows both bills to Tommy and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses. Tommy reaches over and grabs the ten dollar bill. Grandpa pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again, he tells Tommy to take one of the bills and keep it. Tommy grabs the other ten. Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Tommy over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Tommy is in choosing the ten over the twenty. Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Tommy chooses the ten over the twenty. Grandpa finally shows the stunt to daddy. Daddy's quite surprise but doesn't pay too much attention at the moment. A few hours later, daddy who is very concerned about Tommy's poor decision, walks up to him and asks him if he knows the difference between a ten dollar bill and a twenty.
"Of course I do," answers Tommy.
"So why did you always choose the ten over the twenty?" asks dad.
Tommy, with a wide
smile answers, "Well dad, if I would have chosen the first twenty
dollar bill, do you think grandpa would have played the game fifteen
"Last night, while I was down here at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house, said a guy to his friends
"Did he get anything?" his friends asked.
"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk again."
Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work! But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on.
It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding a full-time job.
The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office.
"How did it work out?" they asked.
Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed my evening."
"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know.
"It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired."
(Culled from the Net by