|Saturday, August 18, 2001||
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze Class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" replied the teacher.
"Is it alright
if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
As the storm raged, the captain realised his ship was going down fast.
He shouted out, "Who here knows how to pray?"
One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain. I know how to pray."
"Very well," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."
"How was your trip to New Jersey?"
"Well, a mugger stopped me and said, 'Give me your money, or I'll blow your brains out.'
"What did you do?"
"I told him to go ahead and shoot. He was so shocked, he ran away."
"Wow! He told you to give him your money or he'd blow your brains out, and you told him to go ahead and shoot?"
"Yeah. You don't need brains to live in New Jersey, but you can't get along without money."
What I do
One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home. The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over. He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked what happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?"
"Yes, was his reply."
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!"
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
Ani, the new bride, went crying to her mother. "Momma, I can't get Neil to do anything. I want him to fix up the house, and he keeps putting it off."
"Honey," her mother replied, "after being married to your father for six years, I've found the only way to get him to do anything is to tell him he's too old ."
(Culled from the
Net by Sunil Sharma)