Saturday, December 29, 2001
N E T P I C K I N G


The great writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great", he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Neither do I

Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."

 


Murphy asked, "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland, and me being Irish I should get the job!"

The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the question that you missed."

Murphy then asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

The manager replied, "Simple, the American put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I'."

Hat seller

There was once a hat seller who passed by a forest on his way back from the market. Since the weather was very hot, he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by his side. A few hours later, he woke up by some sounds. The next thing he realised was that all his hats were gone. He heard some monkeys on the tree and so he looked up. To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. The hat seller sat down and thought of how he could get the hats down. He thought and thought and started scratching his head. The next moment, he realised that the monkeys were doing the same action. Next, he took down his own hat and the monkeys did exactly the same.

An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the ground and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

If you think you have read this before... read on!!!

Fifty years later, his grandson, Jack, also became a hat seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest, it was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the ground. He woke up and realised that all his hats were gone. He looked up and realised that the monkeys had taken all the hats. He remembered his grandfather's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed.

He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Jack threw his hat on the floor. To his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the ground, gave him a slap and said, "You think only you have a grandfather?"

Hearing aid

A man realised he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the clerk.

"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" the customer asked.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"

Smaller portions

One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon.

One hour passed, then two hours, then two and a half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."

(Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)

This feature was published on December 22, 2001