Saturday, February 16, 2002

An ocean of wheat

This blonde is driving down an old country road when she spots another blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief, stands at the side of the road to watch for a while.

"Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?" she asks.

The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, "Because it's an ocean of wheat!"

The blonde standing at the side of the road is furious. She yells to the blonde in the field, "It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name." The blonde in the field just shrugs her shoulders and begins rowing again.

The blonde on the side of the road shakes her fist at the blonde in the field, yelling, "If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick you in the back!"


Drowning sorrows

The distressed-looking man had downed several drinks in rapid succession before the bartender asked him, "You trying to drown your sorrows, buddy?"

"You could say that," the guy replied.

"It usually doesn't work, you know."

"Yeah," the man moaned. "I can't even get my wife anywhere near the water!"

Helping bartender

An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he had no arms. The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.

The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your toilet?"

The bartender quickly replied, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."


A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks. A real mean and tough-looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps horse manure all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning up that horse manure, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."


A travelling salesman went into a restaurant for breakfast one morning. When the waitress took his order, he said he wanted his eggs hard and burnt around the edges, his bacon was to be burnt crisp and he wanted his toast blackened and hard. The waitress was surprised but soon returned with his order as he requested. She then asked if was there was anything else she could do for him.

He said, "Yes, sit down across me, frazzle your hair and start complaining. I'm homesick!"

(Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)