|Saturday, May 18, 2002||
A young boy refused to do his homework, and his father was trying to convince him to do it.
He said to his son: "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied: "Well, when Lincoln was your age, he was President!"
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realised that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 a.m."
The next morning the
man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 a.m. and that he had missed
his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't
woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said,
"It is 5:00 a.m. Wake up."
A middle aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking."
The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"
Report card time
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher. He tapped her on the shoulder and said: "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking...."
Mugging a politician
Late one night on a lonely street, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped onto the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money!" he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this. I am a politician".
"In that case," replied the robber, "give me my money!"
A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
"But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.
"I know," she said. "In case I should die before my husband, I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery."
Culled from the Net
by Sunil Sharma