|Saturday, June 15, 2002||
The teenager came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried. "I did? What did I tell you?" asked the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my cheques with a note saying, 'Insufficient funds'."
A letter to parents
A young man, living away from home, writes to his parents:
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son, Marvin.
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said:
Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came."
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, where as women use 30,000 words a day.
She thought about this for awhile and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
He said, "What?"
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. "Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet.
"Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently with two buckets of fish, leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?", the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. Then I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them home." "That's a bunch of lie. Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you It really works." "O.K, I've got to see this!" the game warden replied. The man poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man asked. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The fish." "What fish?" the man asked.
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.
"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed.
"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
"In this job we need someone who is responsible," said the employer. "Then I'm your man," answered the potential employee. "On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
President Bush is representing the United States of America on a highly regarded state visit to England. Air Force One stops at a bright red carpet along which the President strides to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate coach hitched to six enormous matched white horses.
The coach proceeds through the streets of London enroute to Buckingham Palace, the Queen and the President waving to the cheering throngs. Then, suddenly, the right rear horse produces a thunderous, cataclysmic explosion of gas that reverberates through the air and rattles the doors of the coach.
In the uncomfortable aftermath, the reaction of the two powerful figures is to focus their attentions elsewhere and behave as if nothing extraordinary had happened. But the Queen quickly realizes that ignoring what had just happened is ridiculous. She explains, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
President Bush replies, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses."
(Culled from the Net
by Sunil Sharma)