|Saturday, July 13, 2002||
A child was in his backyard practicing baseball. He said as he began, "I'm going to be the greatest baseball player ever!" Then he threw the ball up and made a huge swing and missed.
He then picked up the ball again, said, "I'm going to be the greatest baseball player ever," threw the ball up, took a great big swing, and missed again!
He picked the ball up a third time, yet again said, "I'm going to be the greatest baseball player ever," threw the ball in the air, made his biggest swing yet, and missed the ball again.
Just then, the boy's mother called him in for dinner. As he was walking into the house he said to himself, 'Wow, I knew I was going to be the greatest baseball player ever, but I never
knew I was such a damn
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered...
"She said, ‘Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.’"
"Look at me!" boasted the fit old man to a group of young people. "Every morning I do 50 push-ups, 50 sit-ups and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!"
He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!"
"Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How?"
This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If you missed a ferry late at night, you had to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.
So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck. He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?"
"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."
(Culled from the Net by