|Saturday, July 27, 2002||
A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shot back in. So the husband went back inside to chase it out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver "He is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"
A government employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old file cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!"
POOF! He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful girls reside."
POOF! Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again."
POOF! He's back in his
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients complain that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
At a country-club party, a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes, he seriously proposed marriage. "Look," she said. "We only met half an hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young man declared. "For the past five years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account.
A funeral service was being held for a woman who had just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers were carrying the casket out when they accidentally bumped into a wall, jarring the casket. They heard a faint moan. They opened the casket and found that the woman was alive! She lived for ten more years, and then finally died. A ceremony was again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers were again carrying out the casket. As they were walking, the husband cried out, "Watch the wall!"
(Culled from the Net by